I miss....

Can't deny it....

I really missed someone right now....

The person might not think about me...

Many things crossed my mind....

This is how life going?

Be strong...Walk through...Smile always..

Welcome to My Roomate!

Welcome To my roomate!

Now I'm not alone anymore....XD

I'm Craving!

Yes...
I'm craving to write something at my blog....LOL...
I have many things to share yesterday...
But THANKS A LOT to USM Hotspot...
cannot online!
Now I want to spill out all the things I want to write yesterday...


I wake up at 9.30am...
well....
its kind of amazing for me to wake up at that time while went to bed at 4am...
actually having a mucho-mucho great belly ache...
hahahahaha....
then chatting with friend....
after chatting for a while, decided to take a nap but reading novel titled "Cinta Dua Jiwa" before that...
5minutes reading novel....*trit...trit....trit....*
SMS.....
have work to do...
prepare to go out and the 1st destination would be post office....
need to post some documents, for my future...*XD*
then went to Perangin Mall to have lunch with friends...
< Arthur, Esteranza, S.Darren, Reyn and Josephine>
after lunch...'Lepaking' at Starbucks with Esteranza...
Having Caramel latte + blueberry muffin = really full...
then went back to USM...
Now is the main event....
Charity Fund....
working with who are seniors and have more experience will benefit to ourself...
ya...
the seniors that I'm talking here are Andy, Christina, YK, and Arja..
They are the committee member of Tawau Project -  We Care...
we are doing the first fund raising at Let's Joget event....
It's raining a bit and affect our moods at the beginning...
But at the middle of the event...
we suddenly gained some spirits to work....
the moods change and we having fun....
it was fun to work with people that you are comfortable with and when you can be yourself....
after that we went out to Khaleel and chit chat...
although really tired...
the satisfaction of doing charity work overcome the tired...
went back to room and tension because cannot online...
continue with my novel reading and sleep around 3am...
but only 'tidur-tidur ayam'...
awake by a SMS from friend...
after read it, continue with sleeping...
then around 8.30am, fully wake up and get ready to upgrading...
so nervous ....hahahahaha....not because upgrading things....
but need to do all the secretary works, really make me headache...
okay, its really chaotic morning....
I dislike this position, but I have to LOVE it to make it easier for me to do all the works...
not fully stretching...kicking style really............................*don't know how to describe*
all went wrong, even the basic level can't do it very well....
but something make my day brighter....
Dylan!hahahahaha....
He was damn cute....I'm not lying... the moments I see him, I feel like want to hug him....
argh~~~~
He was a bit shy at the beginning, but we get along well after having few conversation...
He doesn't understand my words, ya... embarrass to admit but I'm very bad in Chinese...
he is quite friendly....and sweet.....
haish~~~
This is my weakness of me....seeing cute boys...
Its a fact okay?
His baby face look sooo...sooooo....gosh~~~
actually seeing him remind me of my younger brother, Rahim..
they are same age, same height (almost), same body figure....
almost all the same...
maybe I'm attracted to him because he resemble my brother a lot...
and guess what?
he was better than me in Karate, he teach me to do some kata...
it was embarrassing, but there are no embarrass in gaining knowledge...
thanks to him, my day was a bit brighter....
having lunch, back to my room and read another novel, "Jangan Kau Tangisi"..
then having a nap...
have a visitor~ Kim2...she want to do her online quiz...
then welcome to USM to my roomate....XD
now I'm not alone anymore in my room...
and now?
she is sleeping and I'm still in front of my laptop....
to release the craving to type something in my blog...
now I'm done....
gonna went to bed very soon...have classes and things to do tomorrow....

My Brothers....

well....
Kind of boring now....
decided to write something about my brothers...
hahahahaha...
Since I'm the FIRST and ONLY daughter of my mother....
all of them are my younger brothers....

1. Tony

*my only brother... ...thats mean we are pair! hahaha... He is quite guy...1year younger than me...currently studying at JPSM Papar...he is hard headed...but I love him so much! he is one of my best friends...since he is my only bro...I do care about him so much! we do disagree with some stuff, we quarrel quite often, sometimes we are not talking to each other, we wrestling together, gossiping together , but we love and care each other...he listen to my advice, so do I...we might not look alike...but we still siblings right?XOXOXO...since I'm so far from home, I told him to look at our younger brothers...he is reliable enough to protect the family...some of our personality are different....some people might think that he is my boyfriend when we walk together...he is tougher and higher than me...he can be very mature and sometimes childish....good cooker....XD

2. Ridwan

*considered my brother because I was so close to him...(I close with all my siblings in mother side)...he is taking PMR this year....all the best to him...hahahahaha...love to dance and sing...quite talented...hahah...this one?we share a lot of similarity....He like to make me angry....ya...make me angry and you will suffer....hahahahah...I always give him advices, well most of the times he will ignore it....tried to beat me in talking? still need to learn a lot....gossip is his main feature...hahaha... although we fight quite often, but he receive special attention from me...protecting him is my duty...since he cause trouble a lot...A LOT!give me headache but most reliable person almost in all aspect...housework? no problem! homework? OK! maid? sure! new issues and gossip? UP TO DATE! punching bag? YA!hahahaha...

3.Rahim

*he is 8years old...now he only stay at home...he broke his leg when climbing Langsat Tree..we connected in many ways...one of it was we both broke our leg at the same side...we have different father, but look alike and he is quite fair too...he is not so good with Ridwan...they quarrel a lot...this one?drama king..just like Ridwan...like to pretend....should be an actor in the future...hahahha..he always tried to talk back to me....but sorry, you are still far to beat me kid...I love him and he love me too...when I'm at home, he always tried to stick with me...ya....he always try to pick a fight with me....and sometimes acting to catch my attention...my mother said he always ask when I will be home....he also have a good academic record and can be better if not lazy...he amazed me with his improvement and achievements...he already surpassed some of my achievements during that age....most of it on sports...well..I'm not good with sports since I was young...very thin, too thin actually......he shared lot of Ridwan behavior...and in that case, we are close too...If I talk with him, he will listen and do what I told him..good boy...XD

4. Raymie

*hohoho...the youngest brother of mine....he is so cute~~hahahahah...he is only 2 years old, his birthday is 1day earlier than me,thanks to that my mother always remember my birthday for this 2 years....the first thing that you will imagine when you saw him is HAGEMARU, really look alike!...the first conversation that we had is...."apa ko buat? sudah makan? bila ko balik? love you, bye2...."...really happy that time...hahahhaha....I spent less time with him because he was born while I'm in KML...he is so cold with me at the beginning...and only want my mother to take care of him...he is so annoying when he cried non-stop while I was sleeping...so hard to coax him...manja! hyperactive...my mother said that he is so 'ganjil' among our siblings...ya...he really is...but after a few days, he already used to my presence...and guess what??he is sticking to me like glue!(=.=")...he like camera a lot! he like to pose! and he LOVE my laptop...hahahhaha....a bit naughty....like teddy bears...when I reached home at last semester break...the moment he saw my 'Doraemon'...I can't even take it back....T.T..but after some tactics...I regained my 'Doraemon' back!aha! He like to dance...sing...I can't wait to go back and kiss him, 'kubit2', hugs and play with him...and the most important thing is to tell himto do the FISH MOUTH...hahahhaha  muaxxx...

^writing about them really makes me craving to go home....and I know they really like it when I say I will be going home...why?because I never go home without buying anything to all of them...and yes...they also don't like it when I'm home...why?because they cannot disobey any of my words...hahahaha...my mother will be the happiest person if I'm at home because my brother all will be under control...I'm the only girl in the house and I rule the house...my orders are absolute...hahahahah...although I always mad at them, they know that I really love them...and off course, I know they love me too....we pick a fight with each other, we get mad with each other, we quarrel and scold each other but at the end of the day, we will laugh together and enjoy the moments...XD...I heart u guys!^

Ridwan-Pink-Rahim

Tony-Raymie-Pink-Rahim

16 Sept, 24 Sept, 25 Sept and 29 Sept 2006

16 September 2006 - Penutupan Bulan Kemerdekaan and the wedding of my stepfather niece at Mengkabong Tuaran..I supposed to be the 'Pengapit'...but due to some reason, I'm at KK instead...XD

24 September 2006 - 1st day fasting....thats mean its already fasting month...and now(2010)...its already Raya for almost 2weeks....huhuhu....

25 September 2006 - My grandma eye operation...now (2010) she is already passed away...well...its already 2years she leaving me...I'm so sad because didn't watch her in her last breathe...I'm in the middle of exam that time...I didn't cried that time...really....but remembering back how i treat her back then...I feel guilty...Its been a long time she didn't visit me in my dream...the last time she appear in my dream, she telling me that she is doing fine and she always watch me from far away....and yes...I cried after I woke up...I miss you... please come visit me sometimes...

29 September 2006 - Gabe birthday!


*thats all for the September in 2006...I just write in advance....well....next week will be chaotic week for me...XD*

Alalalala

*Clap3* round of applause to Esther!
Okey~~~
masa hujung semester pula kerja bertambah....
orang semua fokus peperiksaan akhir...
Esther?
menyibukkan diri dengan latihan....
pening kepala~~~
baru ja mahu bersorak dengan gembira sebab minggu ni Ko-K yang terakhir sudah...
jeng3.......
rupa-rupanya ada lagi pengganti Ko-K yang lagi menakutkan!
bermula pada minggu depan,
hidup saya akan dipenuhi dengan latihan...latihan ...dan latihan....*pengsan*
besok adalah hari Sabtu....
tapi kerja banyak sangat!
assignment??
nasib baik hari tu sudah buat untuk subjek minor...
sekarang 1lagi subjek KESUKAAN....
Business Research Method....*susah gila paper ni!*
harap-harap semua dapat disiapkan dengan baik~~
peperiksaan lagi?
*meraung-raung tekanan*

Why?

Well...

I break up with someone recently....

just recently...(not yesterday or the day before la)...

few of my friends think that I'm still in very broken heart condition...

Guess what?

I'm NOT!

not like totally no feeling la~~

but not broken heart until cannot sleep or I'm dying~~

(I have difficulty to sleep to begin with...LOL)

Why?

If you love somebody and the person doesn't love you anymore...

It was really hurt....

ya...

really....

But what happened to me then?

It was what I call "Calmness"...

I gain this feeling while thinking and through openness to nature...

Some will say I gave up easily...

Give up?

Who are you to decide?

Who will care what you think anyway?

(ya, who will care what I think anyway?LOL)

Have you ever heard that "don't judge the book by its cover"?

and some addition from me....

"don't over think about the contents of a book based on illustration outside.."

(amacam?buli ka?LOL)

people had known me for this 'air head' behavior...

when the 'gilaness' attack....*habislah*

To be honest with...

I can be nuts above average...

In melancholy state also above average...

I can be in totally emotionless state...

In totally emotional state...

*back to track...terlebih suda...*

Okay...

He is a guy that really worth it to love....Trust ME...

He is a patient guy...really patient...

He know how to make you feel you are cared...

He is very considerate guy...

He would avoid you from being jealous...

*see..he is so considerate to your feeling...*

but beware!

don't ever, don't dare to make him hate you...

once he hate you....it really will cost you a lot...

ya...I mean a LOT!

He is not perfect....

But who is perfect anyway?

for me...he is nearly perfection....

Well...

Its a loss for me that I loss him...

(It was good news for all the girls out there...)

I realize and take action a bit late....

But its better than not realizing it....

I learn a lot from this relationship...

Its been a while...

maybe we are not meant for each other to begin with...

there are HUGE different between us...*well, I realized it from the beginning*

But as we going through the relationship...

I thought it can be overcome....

It will be FINE....

Indeed it can be...

But the problem arise when your feeling is began to fade...

this one the POISON...

this poison will KILL a relationship...

Its only the matter of timing....

If you found the ANTIDOTE...

It will help a lot....

If not? Selamat Tinggal...

"Kenyataan memang menyakitkan.."

So...

If this the best for him....

I would be happy to watch him from the back...

*sideways is ok, from far away la~~*

Please...really....PLEASE...

Be better than you used to be....

Be more happy than you used to be....

Be strong than you used to be...

So I wouldn't be sad to watch you from here....

In return..

I will become better, happy and stronger...

fair okay?

Sounds like I'm joking?

Watashi wa jodan de wa nai.....*puppy eyes*

(OMG! its 11.42am....I'm late! GTG, will update later....)

Your Guardian Angel by The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus

When I see your smile
Tears run down my face 
I can't replace
And now that I'm strong 
I have figured out
How this world turns cold 
and it breaks through my soul
And I know I'll find 
deep inside me 
I can be the one

I will never let you fall(let you fall)
I'll stand up with you forever
I'll be there for you through it all(through it all)
Even if saving you sends me to heaven

It's okay. It's okay. It's okay.
Seasons are changing
And waves are crashing
And stars are falling all for us
Days grow longer and nights grow shorter
I can show you I'll be the one

I will never let you fall (let you fall)
I'll stand up with you forever
I'll be there for you through it all (through it all)
Even if saving you sends me to heaven

Cuz you're my, you're my, my, my true love, my whole heart
Please don't throw that away
Cuz I'm here for you
Please don't walk away and
Please tell me you'll stay, stay

Use me as you will
Pull my strings just for a thrill
And I know I'll be okay
Though my skies are turning gray

I will never let you fall
I'll stand up with you forever
I'll be there for you through it all
Even if saving you sends me to heaven
[to fade]

Tawau Project - We Care...

What is this?

* The project entitled “Tawau Project – WE CARE” is planned for two months that includes 5 other performances and a Finale Charity Concert. This project is initiated by students and staffs of various schools and organizations of Universiti Sains Malaysia (USM).

 What had happened?

*29 July 2010 marked the worst flash flood disaster in Kg. Pasir Putih in Tawau, destroying circa 500 houses and properties. Among victims who are homeless are kindergarten and school children; family of several USM students and Alumni. 

What is the target?
* This project hopes to collect as much as RM60,000 and this will be donated to the people of Kg. Pasir Putih in Tawau for the reconstruction of their houses.

What is the objectives?

*This project main objective is to attract companies and corporate organizations to sponsor and support these events in form of cash and/or products (any materials such as button badges or bookmarkers which resembles the aim of this project). Upon investment, sponsors can benefit by participating during the days of the events in the forms of setting booths or exhibition counters.

Any further information, can check the details on:

Facebook Page : Tawau Project - We Care
Blog Page          :Tawau Project 2010

Playlist in Profile..(^.~)

I just updated the list on songs playing on my profile...
well~~
every songs has their own story...
and some of these songs means something to me...
since I'm so free...
got nothing to do...
I want to write something about all the songs inside my profile...

1.Nadiku - Sabhi Saidi
- this song is so catchy... the first time I heard this, feel like want to cry....the lyric also so meaningful...i like the way the language being used...;)

2.Selamat Malam - Faizal Tahir
- Faizal Tahir songs are all awesome! Song like Coba, Sampai Syurga, Mahakarya Cinta, Bencinta, etc are awesome! well, I only list this song because I've been to the Hot Fm Big Jam and watched he sing live! *and the night also the one of the best night that I'd ever had...*

3.Aku Skandal - Hujan
- this song? Hurm... I like the music and the lyric...simple but the message is there...this Hujan Band also I like very much! broken hearted song but sing in a happening music....One of their new song that I like now is 'Selamat Pagi Sayang '...I think its really romantic...*ngeee~~*

4.1234 - Plain White T's
- this song appeared when I'm in a broken heart situation...*hahaha*....this song lyrics are so meaningful...how the relationship are just so mutual....understanding and trust...the video clip also very cute~~kawaii desu nee?hahahaha....

5.Cintaku Tertinggal Di Malaysia - Ahmad Dhani
- well...the lyrics was so meaningful...relationship that ended before it was started...so touched by this song...the music is sooooo nice... XD

6.The Only Exception - Paramore
- I forgot how I discover this song...I think I heard it on Fly Fm... The channel that only can be heard in West Malaysia...wondering when this station can be heard at East Malaysia... when I heard this song, automatically my heart resonance with the sad feeling...But this song is really good! How your perception are being put aside because of loving a guy....

7.Everybody Knows - John Legend
- its funny when I first heard this song at F.O.S. promotional video clip at Centre Point KK.. after i go back home, quickly search for this song...."cause everybody knows, but nobody really knows..how to make it work...or how to ease the hurt...we heard it all before that everybody knows...cause how to make right...I'd wish we gave it one more try..."relationship are not so simple, nothing are certain....that one I can conclude from this song...."I still can't believe, you found somebody new...and I wish you the best...I guess..."..lyric are main ingredient in a song...XD

8. Dear God - Avenged Sevenfold
- I'm not into this band...but I heard this song from someone that special to me....*in the past*..thats how people influenced by other people.... :p the lyric mean a lot...ya..really a lot..."dear God, the only thing I asked of you is to hold her if I'm not around when I much too far away...we all need, the person who can be true to you....but I left her when I found her, now I'd wish I stay..........." the person liked this song, and I'm influenced by the person...well...its a nice song actually....so thanks to the person that liked this song and expose me to this song...*ngee~~*

9 & 10. Haru Haru (Day By Day) & Hallelujah - Big Bang
-the Haru Haru I found it accidentally when searching at YouTube for Big Bang song, Hallelujah... it was the soundtrack of 'IRIS'-korean drama....the plot quite interesting..but the ending quite disappointing...I also like this kind of music..XD

11.Merry Christmas Mr. Lawrence - Utada Hikaru
- discovered this song at my senior car...while we are on the way to the Perpustakaan Hamzah Sendut 1..the music attracted us two...*we both attracted to the song la~~~*my senior keep saying that the song is sung by Utada Hikaru from the language and the way of singing......I remember that time, after reached the library, he google the lyric and yes....he got it right....kekeke...the music in this song is quite like funky...just suite my taste...:p

12.More Than Words - Frankie J
- I think I already posted about this song....More Than Words by Frankie J....I liked this song because of the meaningful lyric....XD...

13.Aku Bukan Aku -  Tilu
-this one I'm not into it for the first time....But when I heard this song on the way to Hotspring Ranau...It just compatible with the mood that time...memory....XD

14.Wake Me Up When September End - Green Day
- the song is released around nearly end of 2007...well it just suited the situation I faced that time...SPM exam!hahahha...that time the SPM is in early September or October...can't remember it...but just suited the mood...hahahaha...then beginning from last year,2009, this song keep haunting me...misfortune keep repeated in this month...how that time I'd wished this month is not listed in the calendar...then this year...*memang cun2 la*...again...September really like ode to me...when I'm in unstable emotions, then here comes another challenges...luckily I'm not suffering from any heart disease...*palis2*...but I believe..there are no bad things that are too bad and there is no good things that are too good...so...some good things also happened to me...example, the PCCG camp...help me look more to myself and view things in positive side...XD

15.Drama King - Meet Uncle Hussein
-okay...this one quite interesting...I don't remember the first time....but I also watched MUH performed at the Hot Fm Big Jam...the moment I heard this song, I'm speechless...I feel the song is describing me...WTH...but the feeling is there....This song condemned me..."Lakon layarmu hebat, terpukau ku melihat..Isi hati murahan, sampai bila kamu mahu tersesat...tidak kau penat, hidup penuh muslihat....mahkotamu raja drama..." not all describing me...but some of it....I always think that there are too many hidden side of me...yaka?hahah...not sure...


16. Your Guardian Angel - The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus
-I know this song recently from a friend.....My friend said that this song is nice...so I searched it at the internet...the moment the music touched my ear drum....I really amazed...so touched...what a nice song! The guitar part was really cool! Totally and definitely awesomeeeee.....I had the feeling that I heard this song somewhere in the past but can't recalled it...well...it already exist long time ago....*hahahaha* anyway thanks to the person that make me realize the existent of this nice song....*hugs*


17. Speechless - Lady Gaga
-Lady Gaga song that is a bit different from her previous song...Nice! I watched the video clip where she play the piano and sing this song....sooo...soooo...soooooooooooo...cool...well, that proven that her live performance really awesome, her voice is not fake! Lady Gaga Live at VEVO Launch Event.... I'm so excited and asked my cousins to review the video and teach me to play the piano piece...I'm looking forward to learn this piano piece *I don't know how to play piano actually...hahahaha*

18.Kissing You - Miranda Cosgrove
-good song is easily to be recalled...hahaha...its a new song...really nice...I can't remember the lyric...But I keep repeating the intro..."Spark fly...Its like an electricity...I might die..When I forget how to breathe..."ya...only this part I can remember the most...

19.Club Can't Handle Me - Florida Featuring David Guetta
-Step Up 3D soundtrack! this song make me wanna move my body...hahaha..."You know I know how~~~~" Step Up 3D..the last movie that I watched that accompanied by.........*haish....*... but really make people want to dance along...

20 & 21. Just The Way You Are - Bruno Mars & Magic - B.O.B. featuring Rivers Cuomo
-why I combined this two song?because the reason for me liking is quite the same....fun..the Bruno Mars might be slow...but calm my heart the moments I heard the beginning part....Magic...Dorsie keep singing this song but I didn't get it...*slow pick up*...But it was really nice...hahaha...

22.Stay - Estrella
-sometimes I want to cry when I heard this song....I'm not sure....But this sad song is masked by the quite calming music..*for me*...the singer expressed this sad song in happy way...like she was minimizing the sad part..."All my sorrows flew away...Hush keep quite hear me say....I don't ever want you to go...Please stay.............................................."

23.Right Here Waiting - Richard Marx
-oldies song....First heard it when I was 3-4 years old that time, and staying at Labuan...I watched it on TV and it just touched deep inside my heart....If I'm not mistaken, my tears almost run down at the first time I heard this song...*ada feeling suda ka that time?*weird...but that was actually happened...I listen to this song every morning...well, it was on TV...Sometimes MJ, Elton John, MLTR and etc song also played at television that time...So, I grow up with this kind of song....the piano piece is so calming and Richard Marx voice also nice!

24. You Raise Me Up - Josh Groban
-first heard around 5-6 years ago...so touched with the lyrics...this is an inspirational song....if u ever meet obstacles in ur life...try listen to this song...this is the original 1...the newer is sing by Westlife...not bad....this song make me more realize to the surrounding...I learn that, troubles can be faced more easily and you will be stronger with the people that you love and love you..."I am strong, when I am on your shoulder...You raise me up...To more than I can be..."..with the people that supporting you, you can be stronger mentally and physically...motivation...inspire...

25. Chasing Pavements - Adele
-this song is one of the soundtracks in 'Wild Child' movie...this song played at the moment when the heroin with the hero...so romantic moment....ya...before it was destroyed by the antagonist character..

< From all these, I realized that I'm more to the meaningful lyrics and slow musics... People said what we tend to listen is the song that connected to our life experience or feelings... Well, that sounds that I'm very 'sedih2' type la pula....hahaha...Maybe some of it yes..Just maybe okay?But different people got different opinion about these...As long I'm happy, relaxed and enjoying the songs...who care?XDDD>

expect the unexpected?

People always expect things...

And off course...

they will expect good things and some bad things will happen....

let things be done smoothly also an expectation....

but less are expecting the unexpected things...

because unexpected things can be happen as good things and bad things...

things that become unexpected good will make you happy...

and things that become unexpected bad will make you down...

well...

as for me...

today I expect that I would become more energetic than I always be...

tried to sleep early last night...

packed my bags for classes and tutorials...

setting the schedule for the whole day...

and something unexpected thing happen...

headache attack!

cannot get up....

and?

all my schedule spoiled......

haish~~~

didn't manage to attend classes and tutorials...

stuck in my bed....

after I gain some strength to get up....

directly went to Pusat Sejahtera.....*after lunch la*

then went to Kedai Mahasiswa, buy a few things....

then go back....

now at room....

still in headache mode....

haish...

spoil my day that I plan to be 'HURU-HARA' today...

but who said the unexpected things will always be bad?

well...

not for me anyway...

"No bad things that are too bad and no good things that are too good..."

based on this way of thinking..

I managed to survive up until now...

to the people from my childhood time...

to my families....

to my friends...

do my progress of life is within your expectation?

well, I wouldn't know...

only you know it....

Many things had happened in my life that are far from my expectations..

but as the things goes by, I become stronger...*maybe?*

I also thinks that I'm very unexpected person.....

*indeed~~*

and I also believed that many people out there are unexpected too...

being unexpected is not a bad thing isn't it?

hahahaha...

*Lost idea...Lost topic....Lost words....XDDDD*

Words of life....

"It isn't what you have, or who you are, or where are you, or what you are re doing that makes you happy or unhappy....It is what you think about it..."

*This quote show that how we perceive things that will affect how we feel about it...

"Never explain yourself to anyone...Cause the person that like you doesn't need it, and the person hate you wont believe it..."

*You should let people treasure your personality rather than explaining it to them...

 "People will forget what you said...People will forget what you did...But people will never forget how you made them feel.."

*How the person made you feel will remain in your heart...

"What is the difference between commitment and interest? When you are interested in doing something, you will only do it when circumstances permit... When you are committed to something, you accept no excuses, only results." 

*Don't mistake interest as a commitment and vice versa...If you about to make a commitment, do it properly...

"Everyone want to change the world...Everyone want to see the world happy...But you forgot that to make the world happy to live, you have to change your heart, not the world..."

*Every changes that you want to make must start from your heart determination...

When you can't express it........

Yes,
I'm not joking...
I really miss him...
Really...Really and really...
I'm not crying...
Melancholy attack....
And I don't know if I should or shouldn't tell him...
He will not even bother bout it anyway, I guess...
The more I tried to hold myself...
The more I hurt...
But if I about to let it go...
The pain is even greater for me...
Its really make your heart torn when you can't express it...
I don't know what to do now...
This is the price I pay for not appreciating...
Maybe...And just maybe...
This price I can't afford to pay anymore...
I always thought that I had done my best...
But it just not enough isn't it?
There are thousands reason for me to let this go...
But the ONE reason that make me still want to hold this feeling...
Ya,
Only ONE...

He would hate me if I keep bothering him...
And I wouldn't want it to be that way...
Hatred is a feeling that the last thing I want to encounter...
I might not understand LOVE...
But I also wouldn't want to know HATE...

"How are you? Are you fine there? I love and miss you so much..." - I can only write it here since I can't express it directly...

A Day Out....

Wohooo~~~

Just reach my room around 10.30pm....

Where do I go?

Now let share my schedule today....

My day started at 2.30pm....

In conclusion, that was the time I wake up...

Having a nice sleep anyway...

cause its raining....

After wake up...

Opened my FB, YM, Blog....

*having a short conversation...seriously,very SHORT*

Then went to shower, get ready to go out....

around 3.40pm leaving my room....

Before leaving,

I updated my status at FB *not mentioning I wanna go out*

Just words that suddenly popped out from my thoughts and off laptop...

Then I walk to Sg Dua bus stop there....

wait for Rapid bus but end up ride the worker bus....

That is after waiting for almost 20minutes!

went down from bus*I'm going to Queensbay actually*

then go to the lower ground....

1st shop that I go is the book shop....search for comics....hahahha

then went to ATM....*no money lo~~*

after that went to 3rd floor, check movie shows....

after thinking for a while...

decided to watch " King Of Fighters " at 5.50pm...

went to eat at the food court there.....

after finish eating received call from my father friend.....*bla3*

buy regular popcorn and regular drink....

go to hall 4...

sit beside a chinese guy with his friend...

not many people watching this movie...

so enjoy!

then after that went to F.O.S. and Brand Outlet.....

window shopping~~~*yeeheee~~~*

and not going back empty handed....

I buy a shirt that have interesting wordings...

wuhu~~~

what I hate about shopping mall?

The smell of NEW & PLASTICS...

really make my nose hurt!

then I went outside Queensbay....

strolling at the seaside....

Watching Penang Bridge....

awkward~~

Because most of people there are with couples...

lovey dovey environment huh??

then wait bus to go back USM....

also wait around 20minutes....

then went to Pizza Hut...

meet CUS friends there....

then go back to hostel at 10++ pm...

what a day.....hurm....

*What did I saw today? Got 1 couple...  Doing their bla3...< hugging at the escalator, kissing there> Okay to be honest....I'm not jealous with it...But please la...Public place bha there....Holding hands is okay la...perlu ka sampai berkissing there?ESCALATOR...bukan LIFT....alalallalal....Maybe I'm alone so I realize the scenery...luckily not 'bertudung' the girl....mau pengsan pun ada...If it was chinese couples maybe no complaint la...It was malay couple k?aduh~~~what happening la this.....kiss at cheek ka, forehead ka...mungkin I don't care la....ini macam mau ber'french kiss' lg sana....please la....(with all these comments, maybe you will think that I'm jealous or whatsoever...But I really don't like these view...I'm narrow minded?Whatever la.... Do your love-love action at public place to that extent?Shopping Mall bha tu! kalau ko cakap ko di tempat clubbing lain la.....adedededed...)*

Hail to 'King of Fighters'!

I love it!

Iori Yagami, Mai Shiranui, Chizuru, Kyo Kusanagi (the character I like the most in game),Terry Bogard and etc...*only mention the characters I like*

Try something new.... Part 2...

1

2

3

4

5

6

7

8

9

Its all my pictures...hahaha...I do all these when I stuck in a middle of assignment....Suddenly my brain can't process any info... So, I just clicked on the Photoscape application and play with it...I only do a simple editing..Technologies are so amazing isn't it?hahahaha...The last 3 photo is kind of 'cincai' works...ya...it was very lazy moment....so just simply click this and that....after editing all these, I continued my assignment...and?the assignment is done....maybe tomorrow will do something about it.....Now its time to sleep....XOXO..

*all the expression of my face nearly the same huh....*

4Sept, 5Sept, 6Sept, 7Sept, 9Sept, 12Sept, 13Sept, and 17Sept 2006

4 September 2006 - break with BF?, anyway someone had won 2nd place in a skate competition but he broke his own hand....

5 September 2006 - My ex BF suddenly SMS me, asking about this and that~~and don't know how to explain...crowded with guy issues...*devil laugh*...in the same time headache about my homework...still got around 500 need to copy...(=.=")

6 September 2006 - My ex suddenly called...*shocked mode*

7 September 2006 - went to KB...brainwashed by my friend...sorry guys....you all know that I always stand for my decision...

9 September 2006 - My friend Dolores birthday party at her house...

12 September 2006 - fight with dad at 10september...*sorry dad*...and yes,still headache...but this time guy issues...*anyway,why there are so many guys?confused mode*

13September 2006 - Dolores officially birthday date!

17September 2006 - Karlhengson Birthday...*and today (17/092010)...its his birthday again...may GBU owez)

Try something new....

Amateur edit...hahhahh...

 The picture I like the most....

I like this too!

I'm amazed by the pattern...

This one look awkward....

Original without any editing....(this flower always remind me about Unduk Ngadau)

All this pictures are captured by me using my friend camera phone...I'm so amazed by the view of flowers in Cameron Highland...Watching those flowers and capture them really make my heart calm....*It still chaos inside, in a deep corner*...The view make me think more wisely and I'm so thankful that I joined the PCCG camp...Experience, new friends, unpolluted air, nice views, new determination and bla3....hahaha....Behind those nice views, there are reality that are covered by all these...Meaningful...Behind those lovely views, there are pain, sadness and reality that will tear your heart....So, don't judge the book by its cover...Don't let the outer part close distract your judgement...If you want to love, treasure it, feel it and hold on to it.....

PCCG Camp at Cameron Highland...

I joined the PPCG camp at Cameron Highland that held on 9September 2010 until 13 September 2010...I just reached my room at 1am,14 September 2010..What had I learned or gained and experienced from this camp? let me share u my schedule for the camp...XD

9September 2010,

Departing from USM Palapes Field with a bus at 9pm.. Fetch the ACMS students and also students from engineering campus.. Sit beside Dorsie, senior from engineering campus.. Watching 'Home Alone 1,2 and 3' at the bus..In the same time,texting..:p..Reach at Cameron Highland around 3am.. After send our bags to 'Barre City Center', went out to eat at mamak cafe there... Then off to bed around 5am...

10September 2010,

Start a new day..Wake up at 8am...The point to wake up that early is just to change the venue of the room..hahahaha...On the way to the new room,met with Rickson (same lectures at KML) and Villery (Classmate since form 1 until form 5)...After 'parked' all of our stuff,we continue to sleep...hahaha... Around 10am,wake up again and  take a bath...(its really cold there,luckily got hot water)...Then briefing and house rules session..Dorsie and I in the same group..Group 1,dark blue group..Then we are having lunch and ice breaking...After ice breaking session, there was a talk about sexuality...Interesting topic...Indeed...*grin*...Then we are having game session... This game session was really funny and enjoy... One of the game is you imagine that the person hobby is plucking their nose..Ask any questions to the person and they will answers according to their original hobby...This game make our imagination goes wild and laugh.. After that a game named 'Who has the strongest banana'...This one even ridiculous... The guy have to tie a rope around their hips and let the banana hanging at their knee level...They have to push a potato using the banana..So just imagine how funny it will be...After playing games, we're having free time to prepare ourself for dinner...After that having a P&W and Exposure Briefing before went to bed...*ZzZzZzZzZ*

11September 2010,

Controversy in the morning! My alarm clock keep ringing and I don't even heard the alarm.. the whole room are awakened by it, but not me....*Tidur Mati*...I woke up around 7am, and supposed to be that time we are having body prayer...But due to lateness, I escaped the activity..:p We are having breakfast at 7.30am and continued with a talk about 'Fertility Awareness'...Another interesting topic...*grin*...After having Q&A session and resting for a while, we were separated in 10 other groups to visits exposure sites around Cameron Highland.. My group went to Sg Palas Goat Farm...The exposure site was very interesting and so do our journey...It was really jammed! Luckily we arrive safely at the exposure site..After having a chit chat with the owner, taking pictures and completing assignments that had been given, we going back to 'Barre City Center' and reached there around 7pm..We does our video making for presentation that night..Our group doesn't win and the presenter was depressed about that..After the closing prayer, we supposed to went to sleep,but due to the reason that we will be the conductor of closing prayer for the next day, we practiced until 3am! Such a long day.....

12September 2010,
Wake up in the morning feeling like P.DIZZY...really dizzy...tried to get up...but failed!hahahah..and not just that,another contributing factor is stomach ache! This one really hurt! Went to toilet but nothing 'go out'...After having breakfast at 8am,tried to attend the sessions, but really can't help it, my stomach like having a war inside... So went back to room,sleeping + resting for the whole day...(until 5pm)...Wah! Sleep for the whole day! Feel disappointed because didn't join the activities for the whole day...Attended the mass with 'blur' face..After dinner, we having our dinner...Then we prepare for the X'pose Nite performance.. A bit of 'kucar-kacir' but still satisfying... Thanks for the nice presentation to group 1...All the presentation was finished at almost 1am.. After that, we are doing the closing prayer that we have practiced until 3am the day before...It was really fun..=)..After all the session, I went to have a talk with the Father Eugene..He advised me a lot..And also give some guidance...I almost cried there, it was really touching for you when someone understand about your issues and make you feel relieved... Ok,thats all... After that,went to the mamak cafe again...need to walk around 15minutes..Being left behind by USM friend...*sob2*..Walked there alone...okay! I lied..Walked with 3guys from UTP... Johny, Ignatius and Hadryan...Thanks guy....=)...On the way back, chatting with my old classmate, Villery...Its really weird, because we doesn't talk a lot since in secondary school although we in a same class since Form 1...*hahahahah*...reached room around 4am...*die *...ZzZzZzZzZ...

13September 2010,
Happy birthday Dolores Elvira Lasih! Didn't managed to wish her on her birthday... Don't have her number...wake up at 8.30am...Again, escaped the morning prayer...*straight face*...went to the chapel there..the view was very.........*speechless*......The father shows us how to do silent prayer and we went back to Barre City...Some of them are crazy over the view and take a lot of pictures there...After reached Barre City, the Facilitator was quite angry because most of the participants doesn't follow the schedule...*yes,I'm one of it*....The most interesting topic for the day is the 'Theological Reflection'..I have been wondering about this issue for a long time...Maybe around 10-12years...And just now, I've know there is a research of God...Okay, next time read more about issues and information Pink-Pink, don't just focused on comics and novels..*finger crossed*....In this session, I managed to give a comment about why I disagree on a statement 'By Jesus dying on cross, Christians are already saved'...No matter how many times I think about it...it was totally NO!..What we will gain in the future was chosen by ourselves...The path may be provided to us but it depend on us to decide which way we are choosing...they said that by Jesus dying on cross, the human sin are forgiven... Is it? I'm not sure either...But, we take reality as an example.. If we ask forgiveness from a person yesterday, its not covered for the mistakes that we done today...This session was really interesting...It tells us that the perspective that we perceived god will reflected by the action we take...Maybe?*I'm not sure either*...Okay,enough for the session...After having our lunch, we pack all our stuff...Dorsie and I planning to go out to Tanah Rata, but the plan was distracted...We end up of being stuck at Guy dorm...Chatting with USM guys...After that went downstairs and 'lepak-lepak' outside the Barre City.. Managed to play with Cliff DSLR camera...hahahha....Thanks Cliff...Then having fun with taking pictures and posing...hahaha...Around 5.30pm, we depart from Barre City and stopped at Brinchang... Do some shopping...(until broke...sorry Dad...XD)...At the bus, sit beside Cliff..Playing with his camera..:p...For the first time, I puke! This all credit to the fried crab that I eat inside the bus..*eeeuwwww*....After puke, I eat again...But not crab...Its nasi Briyani...hahahah....Along the road back to USM, chatting with Cliff and Herry (ACMS)...reached room aroun 1am...first thing to do? Hug my 'Doraemon'...*squeeze2*

huh....so long...hahahah....tired a bit....now I'm going to tidy up my rooms,get some foods, and have a look for the assignments...*suddenly head ache*...hahahhah

Memori....

Semalam berlalu bagaikan angin....

Kenangan yang pergi meninggalkan memori....

Segala yang kita alami tinggal sejarah....

Mungkin masa akan pergi....

Namun kita harus tetap melangkah...

Walaupun tangisan itu pedih....

Tawa kita jadikan penawar....

Apabila matahari muncul esok....

Kita akan bangkit semula dengan harapan....

Jadikanlah kenangan semalam sebagai sebahagian daripada lipatan memorimu....

Biarpun dimamah usia,

biarpun ditelan zaman....

Biarkan ia tetap menjadi ingatan

Pink-Pink,31 Julai 2010

*Coretan dalam bas, dalam perjalanan menuju ke Genting Highland bersama kawan-kawan..

Silent Love

LOVE...

simple 4 words but the meaning is universal and very deep...

it can be anything to anyone....

as for me?

I have grown up with 'silent' love...

silent?

you love someone but you didn't act like one and talk like one too...

I think I should not continuously continue this 'silent' legacy...

I should go out and grab the chance...

well...

this kind of love doesn't shows...

this kind of love always create misunderstanding...

this kind of love make people insecure...

this kind of love can make the person that you love started to hate you...

there are so many DISADVANTAGES of this kind of love...

but some people tend to do it...

and yes...

I'm the one on it...

this silent love had been tearing my heart since long ago...

the person that I love just one by one leave me....

and I only watching on the sideline...

and see as they leave....

I never fight for it....

I prefer to hide at a dark place and comfort my own feeling...

that just keep continuing....

for unknown reason....

then after I reminisce...

It's my father!

okay...

Thanks dad for sharing this unique trait of you...

and make me totally unique person...

but I don't care this time....

I want to break the tradition...

I never do this before...

for unknown reason also...

Now...

I want to FIGHT for the person I love...

Maybe realizing it now will be too late...

but...

I will keep trying...

Now I'm already determined to go for it...

No matter how shameful it is...

Just go on....

I'm tired blaming and regretting for all the things that I have done and didn't do..

blaming who?

myself...

I keep blaming myself until I'm so depressed sometimes...

stressed and low self esteem.....

there are no such things like 180 degrees sudden change....

try with a small change...

We can do no great things,only small things with great love.- Mother Teresa

okay...

thanks to Lally Liong

for the quote to inspire...

also a words from my friends also make me realize how I close myself to other people...

"not rite just u know u never let anybody understand u "

maybe I have known about this before....

but I tempted to ignore it....

hurm....

Those words really wake me up....

*dush3*

and the point of all this things I write here just simple...

I don't want to let you go because I will never find somebody like you again!

I love you so much and I need you too....

I don't want to let you go!NO!