Sometimes...

Sometimes I just feel want to cry so hard.
self expression.

Sometimes I just want to be weak for a while.
self defense.

Sometimes I just need someone to be around.
selfish.

Sometimes I just try to be someone else.
self crisis.

All the time, I hate myself for being emotional.
What I want?
To express myself, not making crisis inside.
What I desire?
To defend myself, but not in a selfish way.


122911
4.26am
-pinkpink-

boyfriend?

Realized something today(can't remember exactly when is it)... All my previous boyfriend, I have known them for less than 2months! hahahahaha.. motive? nothing, just realized it today. why? because.. I also not sure about it. maybe I'm too rush? and, I never single more than a week! (ridiculous!) even me myself can't believe it. this one is old fact. is not a lie, but not updated. so this time, i decided to take it slow. give myself more space and time. not waiting for 'special someone'. I don't know where you are and who you are, but I know eventually I will found you. maybe I already know you, or maybe you are out there, someone I don't know.


P/S: aishhh.... suddenly come out with 'boyfriend' issue. is this a sign that soon i will end my single status? hahahahaha... in a relationship? married? hahahahaha.. (ok, seriously need sleep.. I sound more and more ridiculous! XD )

Merasa sedih yang teramat pada tengah hari yang panas membahang ini adalah 'ridiculous' ! arghhhhh... napa beremosi betul ni?

Christmas

There's a reason why I don't excited when it comes to Christmas. It just make me sentimental. The most happy moment of Christmas is only with him (its not like I'm dying, but up until now). Thanks to him, I'm able to feel the Christmas spirit. And thanks to him again, I will always thinking of him when it is Christmas. Who says good memories are good?

P/S: I'm about to burst at church just now. :'(

♥ life :)

            Hello! We meet again! I really miss to take my time and properly write here. J Tonight is the night! ♥ I’ve been like super busy completing assignments. Not forgotten to handle stupid people that doesn’t understand the phrase, “Please don’t disturb me”. Now, I can say that I’m a bit relaxed. Although the final is approaching, to be precise, we are now in the study week, it is more relax than the ‘assignments sprint’. My early plan was going to Malacca, but I guess it just have to wait. L (Wait for me Malacca, I’ll come to you♥) Last submission for assignments is on 21^st December and last class on 22^nd December. After the last class, I straightly went to Queensbay Mall with Kim and Joe. We eat at Azuma and spend quite a lot of money! And on 23^rd December, Friday, I and Kim went to Jelutong Night Market and it was havoc! Again money ‘flowing like pipe water’! (I have to restraint myself from going to Sg Dua Night Market on Saturday!)

            That was basically my short introduction for this post. Actually I want to talk about my parents. I said to myself that after my last class, I would call them and talk with them. Well, we haven’t talking to each other since I am busy with my assignments, classes, activities, etc. I miscall my father yesterday and he did mention that I didn’t call him for a long time. We had this short conversation and I think I did say something not so grateful to him. (I’m such ungrateful huh? Well, I just can’t avoid treating him as my friend. Like, seriously. ) I really have to say that it was really different feeling while talking to him yesterday! I was so excited (always excited actually) and feel that I really miss him like a ‘lot-lot’. Hahahahahahaha. I want to have longer conversation but he is quite busy. Well, compared to me, his ‘assignments’ never end. He have to maintain the ‘assignments’ to come, if not, how to feed an ‘eating monster’ in Penang? I love you daddy and I’m looking forward to have a conversation with you. J

            I did mention that I want to call my parent and I did have conversation with my daddy. How about my mummy? She called me! J For this few months, she called me like at least once in a month. I’m updated with the latest issues in my village according to the time she called. And off course family updates too. Although she shares quite a lot, I know she kept a lot too. She keep mentioning that don’t worry about home, focus in your study, eat well, sleep well, etc. it was common advise from a mum right? But I still find it awkward and somehow emotional about it. For me it’s not common, not to say I’m such ungrateful daughter, but I don’t like that kind of conversation. It makes me emotional. It makes me feel guilty for used to argue and scold her. (Okay, I’m not an obedient daughter, a rebel and also a troublemaker) Mother-daughter conversation, I used to crave for this conversation, long time ago and most of my childhood is wasted for longing this conversation. Now here I am today, (growing up without family basic etiquette, sometimes rude, and doesn’t understand family situation?) I’m not sure?  But it’s not too late; I still can have the mother-daughter conversation. Time passed by, many things had happened, it’s not really good, but still have the good side of it. That helps me to remain positive in negative situation. Mummy, thanks for calling. I’m just not good in expressing my emotion through action (except writing) and mistakenly as ‘not affected’ or ‘slightly affected’ or maybe ‘over it’. Whatever! Who will really cares about it anyway, right? J

            Okay, it’s almost 3.30am in the morning. I have to get some sleep, have to wake up later and face the world. Sweet dream and sleep tight~ ♥

P/S: something I want to share. This is life should be, at least for me. :P

Boring

Berada di Perpustakaan Hamzah Sendut 3 bersama kawan-kawan. Kami sedang berusaha untuk menyiapkan tugasan yang berlambak. Saya tidak dapat meneruskan kerja kerana merasakan tersekat. Otak tidak mampu memproses kerja-kerja dan mengeluarkan ayat untu menyiapkan tugasan. Saya cuba menulis dalam blog untuk merangsang pemikiran dan ayat-ayat untuk menyiapkan tugasan itu keluar daripda ceruk otak!

Apa yang ingin saya merepek apda hari ini? hurm... Okay~ Saya tidak tahu apa yang saya patut buat! (sangat la tahu apa yang perlu dibuat tapi tiada idea.. :'( ) SO? Saya terlihat kawan sedang edit gambar online! Saya pun mencuba la, sangat best! :P Ini la hasil dia~

tadaaa~~ simple! tapi saya suka~ hahahaha.. teringin mencuba? sila pergi ke laman web, Pixlr. Lepas tu klik Retro Vintage Effect, pastu pilih la nak imej daripada laptop ataupun webcam. bla.bla.bla.

P/S: saya tidak pandai buat penerangan, lebih tepat lagi malas! so, selamat mencuba...:P

Rintihan sekeping hati

Sekarang saya rasa sedih.. Terasa sentimental sangat-sangat.. Saya rindu seseorang.. Tapi, saya tiada keberanian untuk telefon dia dan cakap yang saya rindu dia.. Pengecut? Penakut? Sebenarnya saya takut.. Sangat takut.. Mungkin saya patut memulakan perhubungan yang baru untuk mengelakkan rasa rindu yang tidak terucap? Atau mungkin saya perlu mendengar kata hati dan telefon saja dia dan beritahu betapa saya rindu pada dia? Tapi saya takut saya akan melukakan hati dia dan hati saya lagi.. Memang masa silam tidak akan kembali, namun ia masih lagi berlegar-legar di ruang minda dan perasaan.. Apa yang dicari dalam kehidupan? Apa yang dikejar dalam menjalani seharian? Apa yang tertinggal dan apa yang ditinggalkan? Sekali melangkah kehadapan, tiada langkah untuk mengundur kembali.. Hanya boleh berpaling dan mengenang.. Bukan mudah untuk maju kehadapan, namun amat mudah untuk berpaling dan mematikan langkah maju.. Seorang kawan pernah berkata,

 "Jika kamu telah bertekad untuk melangkah pergi, jangan pernah sesekali berpaling.. Walaupun betapa kamu ingin berpaling.. Kerana kamu tidak akan dapat melangkah pergi dan akan tersekat disana sekiranya kamu berpaling.." - S.A.R.-

Tiada guna menyesal dengan keputusan yang telah dilakukan.. Tiada guna mengenang kembali peristiwa yang membawa air mata.. Namun kita selalu melakukan perkara yang tidak berguna dan memakan diri sendiri.. Naif kah diri sekiranya menunggu ada tangan yang mampu memimpin jalan dan membawa keluar daripada belenggu diri? Bodoh kah diri sekiranya menanti untuk perasaan itu terubat sendiri namun masih mengenang apa yang telah berlalu? Mungkin juga bodoh, mungkin juga naif.. Salahkah pendrian diri? Silapkah pemikiran yang terbentuk? Apa yang kau lakukan? Memandang rendah kebolehan diri? Merendahkan ego diri dengan percaya bahawa ada tangan yang akan datang? Merasakan diri lemah dan memerlukan bantuan? Mungkin langkah kaki akan terhenti untuk maju dan berpaling... Namun langkah yang telah diambil bukan semudahnya untuk mengundur kembali.. Bukan tidak pernah mencuba untuk perbaiki keadaan namun kegagalan telah menarik diri jauh kedalam lembah yang tidak mempunyai dasar.. Gelap, gelita dan membiarkan diri terus jatuh.. Diri belum bersedia, hanya itu mampu dikatakan.. Walaupun mahu, namun takut untuk bermula.. Semakin kuat keinginan itu, semakin perih menahan perasaan.. Biarlah diri terus sendiri, agar hati tidak terluka lagi... Biarlah diri tetap seorang, agar tidak hancur berkecai sisa sekeping hati dan perasaan.. Biarlah perih menahan perasaan daripada memberi harapan yang mungkin tidak dapat ditunaikan...

Disember

Setelah seminggu berada dalam bulan Disember, baru berpeluang untuk menulis sesuatu di dalam blog ini. Ingin menjenguk sebentar. Masa memang tidak menunggu dan saya dapat merasakan saya terkejar-kejar. Setiap waktu rehat yang ada cuba untuk saya manfaatkan untuk membuat kerja. (ya kah?) Ok, sampai disini saja pada hari ini. Ada perjumpaan sekejap lagi! :P

Love - Care - Hurt

I learn something about myself today. I isolate myself because I don't want to get involved too much with people around me. I'm afraid to love again. I'm afraid to care again. I'm afraid to hurt again. But in the same time, I can't endure the feeling of being isolated and alone. I'm afraid of isolation. I'm afraid to be alone. :'(

P/S: Maybe I've known this for long time, but I refuse to admit it. Watching all those faces in my dream just make me more and more vulnerable.

This is like dragging me now.. Why you have to come back into my mind and make me this way.. I'm over melancholia now... Please just leave dear... I beg you...

Hair

August 2011

September 2011

November 2011

P/S: goodbye my long hair...

A note to you dear....

Dear,

I thought I could forget you. I just want to say that I miss you so bad. I miss your smile and your voice. Please be happy there, so I don't have the regret to let you walk out from me. I really want to see you so bad, but I'm afraid that I will totally lost when I see you again. I miss you so.

Sincerely,

Yonlu by OJ Law

Everybody knows that 
Life is what you make of it 
And now everything is perfect 
But we're the ones who are struggling around 

Soon it will be daybreak 
People posing questions are aroused 
"When will you get married? 
When will you go find a proper job?" 

But in this life 
We might not know where we're going 
We try to say the words they want to hear 
But it's only a lie to bide the time 
Before we move on own 

Sentimental musings 
Memories of a childhood that has passed 
When I was a young'un 
Things were once like this 
But now they're not 

How do you explain that 
This map that we've chosen is unmarked? 
All we see is ocean 
All directions are uncharted isles 

But in this life 
We might not know where we're going 
We try to say the words they want to hear 
But it's only a lie to bide the time 
Before we move on own.

I need mental and emotional support so badly now. Holding back myself to fall and give it up. No time for another heart throb moments. No time to even look at my face in the mirror now. But I spare some time to type this entry, just to distress myself and wish you good night. Good night my diary.

P/S: 'Fantastic Adventure' keep humming on my mind now. I really need an escapade and enough rest after this critical time had passed! Dekimasu ka? okotou wa dekimasu! daijobuda! :D 

11/11/11

This is not always happen (haven't happen yet, to be precise).. Last year it is 10/10/10. And if I can live until next year, I have the chance to be on 12/12/12. What is so special about this date? For me.... Nothing actually.

Tomorrow I will be going to Kajang, Selangor. I take this chance to join the 'University Ambassador'. Well, I have to struggle since I still have 2 assignment that on my list to submit within a week! I don't know if I can make it. Besides that, I still have my midterm on next Tuesday. Off course I haven't read that too! Week after that? I prefer not to say anything bout it, I will be deadly stressed. I decide to hang on until the managerial accounting midterm. After that, I will relax myself for a while. Maybe escape somewhere during the weekend. I need to distress because after that I will be super busy with others assignment as well as programs and not forgotten, the FINAL EXAM. 

I've been thinking this lately, I probably will quit my job. I hope that by quitting I can have more time to do my assignments, spending time with friends and get enough rest! Mark my word, by the end of this month I will quit my job! Its not because I hate the job, but it seems like I need more time to fulfill my responsibilities in study! Its not that I'm desperately need money. I just make myself satisfied by working. Be patient Pink, after you finished you study, you can work all you want! Stop pushing yourself so hard, you will fall and hurt. My friends say that I looked really tired every time they see me. Maybe I should enjoy myself joining the university programs rather than working. I might not have the chance to enjoy this moment after graduating. 

P/S: Dear diary, why do I feel so lonely now? I can feel I'm crying silently in my heart. Please don't be like this heart. Everything gonna be fine. This is just for a while. Smile.. :)

Relationship (X)

            Surprise! Surprise! Last night I was so surprised! It is not impossible but I didn’t see it coming! You really make me startled! But I have the feeling that this has to be settled. Seriously, I wasn’t expecting this. I don’t know how to put it, but I really didn’t have the intention to start any serious relationship now. I’m tired of being confused by my own feeling so I set aside all the intention to serious with anyone right now, at least for the time being. My priority now is to finish my study and enjoy my university life. I’m sorry that I hurt you. Thing happen so fast, time flies very fast. You choose your path and walk it. I’ve chosen mine and now I’m walking it.

We are in the wrong time and wrong place. The only thing that is right now this moment is feeling.

November! :D

            Hey November! Welcome! It’s almost the end of the year. Around 2month? And that indicate a lot of things for me!

1.       .  Final exam is another 2month!
2.      .  " Pesta Penang" is next month!
3.     .   2012 is coming!

So exaggerating right? Well~ Drama~ many things happened, sad, happy, fun, etc. (I should save this nonsense speech later~) Apart from all the things I listed above, I still have to go through lot more assignments and test! Next week is mid semester break but thanks to me; I just make commitment to my works and assignments! It’s just a week without classes though. Work, work and work every day, assignments to complete and test to revise! Till we meet again diary, I’m back to my business.♥

its the end

            Hey! It’s the end of October! Thinking to write in my diary tonight~ ♥ Last week, we have a week of holiday due to Deepavali~ Next week there will be another holiday. Mid semester break with Hari Raya Haji. Where I’d been all these time? Well, not going anywhere. My routine everyday is going to work and do assignments. For the whole week! No life huh? I got the feeling that next week will be the same. Huh! I think it will be worst! Since I have to submit 2 assignments and have 3 midterms when the mid semester break is over. Wuarghhhhh.. I shouldn’t write this entry now because I have midterm test tomorrow. But I’m just too bored. L warghhhhhhhhhhhhh…. *I want to scream! Again and again! L*

Your mind will be crowded with distractions today. Don't fight them.

P/S: I'm not sure what it means. But yeah, too many distractions now..:'(

little update

"Sometimes its easier to act like you don't care than to admit that it's killing you."

I always wanted to make people happy. Because if they happy, I'm happy too. But it turned to be I always let people down and I'm down too most of the time. I'm sucks at empathy? I'm sucks at being understanding friend? I'm a bad lover? I don't know. It seems like I really have problem with human relationship. Anyone volunteer to teach? : ) (confused and depressed)

Hello world! Its been awhile since I last updated this diary. Why? Well, being super busy and lazy because of tight schedule. *but still sleep at 3-4am everyday...(-.-")* I've worked about a month and I enjoy my work! Although I always depressed when I look at my schedule (assignments, midterms, etc), by working it helps me to feel relax. My friend said its a sign that I should work now, stop studying. *WHAT!??? I have like 2more years to finish my study!!* I tried to calm myself down by relax and tell myself to do my works whenever there is a free time or break time. It is so tiring! Seriously! I'm not stressed because of work, but I'm stressed over the assignments! Now I'm trying to be on the track by doing my work bit by bit. There is nothing gonna change if I keep thinking over and over it.

If emotion can be controlled like this.....

Yeah... I really-really wish...:'(

P/S: till we meet again diary.. :')

For Your Love

Just reached my room about 1/2 hour ago. From 'Malam Mesra' that organized by PERSIS to welcome the juniors and get along with them. But the intention for my post today not to talk about it. I would love to share lyric again! Hehehehehe. Never get tired of it huh?

Today (or should I say tonight? :P), I want to share a Spanish song. I first heard of this song when waiting for a movie at Perangin Mall. That day, the intention to watch movie was unplanned or just impulse intention. The movie that I watch that day was 'Raya Tak Jadi'. A funny movie that starred by Saiful Apek and Johan Raja Lawak. While waiting for the movie, this song was played. I managed to record the last verse of the song and when I come home that night, I spend like 2hours to search that song in YouTube. That was after trying to search that song in Google, but failed because I'm not really sure about Spanish words. :P

When I found that song, I almost cried! Sound so childish right? Well, my effort not wasted that day! After listen to the full song with the translated lyric, I'm so touched! It was hopeless romantic song! Awww~ The song title 'Para Tu Amor' or in English, 'For Your Love' by Juanes! The last song I listen from Juanes is 'La Camisa Negra', or Black Shirt.

 Para Tu Amor - Juanes

Para tu amor lo tengo todo
Desde mi sangre hasta la esencia de mi ser
Y para tu amor que es mi tesoro
Tengo mi vida toda entera a tus pies

Y tengo también un corazón que se muere por dar amor
Y que no conoce el fin, un corazón que late por vos

Para tu amor no hay despedidas
Para tu amor yo solo tengo eternidad
Y para tu amor que me ilumina
Tengo una luna, un arcoiris y un clavel

Y tengo también un corazón que se muere por dar amor
Y que no conoce el fin, un corazón que late por vos

Por eso yo te quiero tanto que no sé cómo explicar lo que siento
Yo te quiero porque tu dolor es mi dolor y no hay dudas
Yo te quiero con el alma y con el corazón te venero
Hoy y siempre gracias yo te doy a ti mi amor por existir

Para tu amor lo tengo todo
Lo tengo todo y lo que no tengo también
Lo conseguiré
Para tu amor que es mi tesoro
Tengo mi vida toda entera a tus pies

Y tengo también un corazón que se muere por dar amor
Y que no conoce el fin, un corazón que late por vos

Por eso yo te quiero tanto que no sé cómo explicar lo que siento
Yo te quiero porque tu dolor es mi dolor y no hay dudas
Yo te quiero con el alma y con el corazón te venero
Hoy y siempre gracias yo te doy a ti mi amor

For Your Love - Juanes

 For your love, i have everything
from my blood to the essense of my being
and for your love that is my treasure
i have my whole life at your feet

and i also have a heart that dies to give love
and a heart that doesn't know the end of beating for you

for your love there are no goodbyes
for your love i only have eternity
and for your love that illuminates me
i have a moon, a rainbow, and a carnation

i also have a heart that dies to give love
and a heart that doesn't know the end of beating for you

for that reason i love you so much and i don't know
how to explain what i feel
i love you because your pain is my pain, theres no doubt
i love you with soul and with heart, i worship you
today and always thank you, i give you my love for existance

for your love i have it all
i have it all and what i also don't have
i will achieve it
for your love that is my treasure
i have my whole life at your feet

and i also have a heart that dies to give love
and that doesn't know the end of beating for you

for that reason i love you so much and i don't know
how to explain what i feel
i love you because your pain is my pain, theres no doubt
i love you with soul and with heart, i worship you
today and always thank you, i give you my love for existence

P/S: I fell in love with this song and the romantic words lies in  it. I was melted by the romantic lyric! Aww~

Just posted about... I'm not sure its about what, but yeah, bout me la! hahahahaha. Now I want to share this songs with you guys. The singer is so mysterious. But I can say that I really like his song. Especially the 'Fantastic Adventure' ft Liyana Fizi and 'Yonlu'. I was attracted the Fantastic Adventure when I first heard it on Xfm. This is when I first realized that Liyana Fizi was the singer of Estrella, that I know from their song, 'Stay' and 'Ternyata'. I'm really so yesterday!


This is the link for Law album, you can listen to all his song from his latest album 'Yesterday is a Distant Dream'.




I will only post the lyrics of the 2songs I mentioned before, 'Fantastic Adventure' and 'Yonlu'.


Fantastic Adventure (ft Liyana Fizi)

Why don't we go and take a trip
And get away somewhere?
Why don't we go and take a trip
And get away somewhere?

A place with sand
A sky so blue
The city lights
A view for two
Why don't we go and take a trip
And get away somewhere?

I don't mind
We can go somewhere
Anytime
Say the word, I'm there
We could hop on a plane
Or ride a bus
Or hike somewhere if it's not too far
Or take a road trip
Cross country
Or sail across the sea

Why don't we go and take a trip
And get away somewhere?
Why don't we go and take a trip
And get away somewhere?

A place with sand
A sky so blue
The city lights
A view for two
Why don't we go and take a trip
And get away somewhere?

I don't mind
We can go somewhere
Anytime
Say the word, I'm there
We could travel to the jungle and camp all night
Or lie on a beach from dusk 'til light
Or stay at a hotel, watch TV
Or scale a mountain peak

Why don't we go and take a trip
And get away somewhere?
Why don't we go and take a trip
And get away somewhere?

A place with sand
A sky so blue
The city lights
A view for two
Why don't we go and take a trip
And get away somewhere?
Why don't we go and take a trip
And get away somewhere?

credits

Yonlu

Everybody knows that
Life is what you make of it
And now everything is perfect
But we're the ones who are struggling around

Soon it will be daybreak
People posing questions are aroused
"When will you get married?
When will you go find a proper job?"

But in this life
We might not know where we're going
We try to say the words they want to hear
But it's only a lie to bide the time
Before we move on own

Sentimental musings
Memories of a childhood that has passed
When I was a young'un
Things were once like this
But now they're not

How do you explain that
This map that we've chosen is unmarked?
All we see is ocean
All directions are uncharted isles

But in this life
We might not know where we're going
We try to say the words they want to hear
But it's only a lie to bide the time
Before we move on own.

P/S: Love to listen Xfm. Support the local songs! <3

Karate-Akademik-Kerja

            Halu~ halu~ Hari ni masih lagi mau merepek dalam bahasa pasar dan bahasa yang selalu saya pakai di Sabah. Hari ni saya pun nda sure mau cerita pasal apa. Ndada idea ni mau tulis entri. Malam ni saya tidur di bilik kawan. Tukar angin la kunun. Hahahaha.

By the way, hari ni saya telah mendapat jawatan baru. Iaitu? Naib presiden untuk kelab karate. Bunyi macam hebat kan? Mau tau la kerja dia nanti macamana. Ni sidang kami plan mau kasi aktif balik kelab karate. Mesti banyak mau buat aktiviti. Tapi hujung bulan 10 ni ada competition di UIA, macam 2 hati juga mau ikut ni. Yalah, mau training lagi. pergh, banyak tul mau train ni. 2 bulan di rumah manada training. 1kali jak p jogging, itupun pancit! Kin malu jak atlit macam tu! Kalau c jujuluk tau, mesti dia kasi ketawa saya habis-habisan. Mcm taie ba! Mesti dia cakap, “ko ni x training mau pigi lawan? Habis la ko kena belasah ni. Padan muka ko schubby”. Bikin panas kan? Hahahahahah.

Itu karate. Pasal akademik? Bukan la akademik sangat, tp ada kaitan juga la sikit. Pasal attachment pigi India. Punya la bersengkang mata saya buat tu resume sampai jam 5 am. Yalah, kalau tiada aktiviti atau ciri2 yang mau kasi cantik resume, terpaksa la susun ayat kasi cantik-cantik. Last2 dapat tau nda dapat. Kecewa juga la. Tapi yang dapat tu mmg students yang campen2 la org bilang. So, kurang sikit la kecewa, drg mmg pandai2 dan aktiviti drg mmg lg power la. At least saya tau saya sudah cuba, kalau gagal pun, saya suda cuba sedaya upaya mau impress tu company. Tapi tidak ter’impress’. Sabar jak la kau nak. Yang best sikit cerita dia, saya nda la perlu terkejar2 buat assignment, tertinggal kelas semua. Boleh la focus buat assignment sama keja2 lain. Banyak lagi aktiviti yang saya boleh join untuk memuaskan hati yang mau challenge ni. Yeheee~

Pasal hidup harian pula, tiada banyak free time. Sebenarnya saya kerja part-time sekarang ni. Sebelum ni macam ndamau cakap, tapi penat juga mau berahsia. So, saya cakap la. Kepada geng2 sekalian, sorry la kalau nda terlayan. Saya sibuk keja skrg. Mula-mula keja pasal mau beli fon. Tapi skrg sekadar mau mengisi masa lapang. Bukanlah banyak sangat free time, tapi kalau nda kerja, manada duit. Sudahlah saya ni makan nda ingat dunia. Belanja makan jak satu hari punyalah grand! Sampai roommate saya cakap saya ni macam org kaya. Kaya? Pergh, kalau kaya nda begini kehidupan jo! Tiap malam penat! Teda masa mau melepak2, jalan2, tidur petang dsb! Yang bagus dia? Saya terasa mau buat keja yang ada dengan secepat yang mungkin. Yalah, terasa macam tiada masa mau buat kan. Rushing jugalah, tapi kalau pikir balik, mmg kebaikkan untuk diri sendiri. Kalau teringat dulu masa sekolah menengah, asal cuti jak mesti kerja. Rindu juga masa-masa macam tu. Gaji tu nda la seberapa, tp diri rasa puas la. Saya ni nda puas hati duduk diam jak. Bagus jugak la, training sedia2 mau kerja sambil belajar. Nanti kalau mau kerja sudah, tidak la rasa macam mau mampus, suda training masa belajar kan. Hehehehe. Lagipn, kerja macam ni buat saya rasa puas. Macam terasa diri ni berdikari sikit. Nda lah mengharap daddy mau bagi duit jak tiap bulan kalau mau beli itu ini. Sandi! Mau merayu2 lagi. Ingat senang meh? Lagipun, kesian juga ba sama daddy saya tu. Mana tahan ada anak macam saya. Makan sudah la banyak, mau shopping pun bukan alang2! Saya nda la beli barang branded, tapi sakit juga mau tampung saya punya belanja ni. Kerja saya sekarang pun bukan la besar sangat gaji dia, tapi kalau setakat mau beli baju, reload telefon, buli juga la. Saya ni jenis yang susah mau simpan duit. Kejap jak guna habis duit. Mana la tau kan, sudah terasa sama teringat balik sandi mau cari duit, pandai la mau simpan duit balik. Sekarang mesti mau start simpan duit ni. Siapa yang mau kasi saya belanja nnt kalau suda keja. Nda kan la masi mau minta duit daddy? Logic dia, standard la masi kena belanja kalau baru abis skola. Tapi malu ba. Skrg mesti mau plan suda, umur suda limpas tanggungan parents. Gaji nda banyak, tapi kalau simpan sikit2, buli2 juga ba kan? Harap2 saya buli atur la masa belajar sama kerja ni. Training multi-task. Kalau sudah biasa skrg, mesti kurang sikit masalah nanti.

Bah, cukup2 la ni. Tadi cakap teda idea kan? Sekali menulis (sebenarnya merepek) banyak pula meleret2. Ni la susah ni, suka betul cakap meleret2. Nanti kita jumpa lagi aa diari. Babai~ :D

Ini Kali Lah! Kasi Keluar!

Hari ni saya mau menulis dalam bahasa lagi santai. Panat juga mau taip-taip formal ni. So, kalau siapa yang nda paham, paduli la kamu, saya mau menulis cincai2 ni ari. Hari ni saya mau cerita pasal graduation day senior-senior saya.

Ni tahun la konvokesyen paling sandi! Saya termiss konvo senior saya dari kejuruteraan! Punya la bikin sakit hati! Semua pun saya nda terjumpa, c Jazey seja yang sempat saya jumpa, tu pun terjumpa di sana pondok pusat islam. Trus rusak mood 1ari oo. sandi kan? Bukan setakat rusak mood, trus rasa frust ni. Saya pula yang penuh perasaan org konvo kan? Banyak lagi senior-senior saya kenal d kejuruteraan tu. Haish. Sorry la genk! Bukan sengaja!

Itu part yang saya termiss. Yang saya sempat p tgk, konvo beberapa org senior jak. C Meredith @ dith, ex room mate yang sabar jak melayan perangai saya selama 1sem setengah! Hahahaha. C nadiah, senior PERSIS yang rock! Dan sangat cool! Sa mmg salute la sama ko. Yeyeah! Kekekeke. Pastu c deidre  @ D, merangkap genk selama cuti antara semester ujung tahun lepas. Hari-hari mmg muka dia seja la, tdur, makan, jalan etc. Mandi tu nda la sama2 ba. Hahahhaha. Nda ketinggalan juga satu-satunya senior lelaki yang saya TERsempat p konvo dia, c faizan, team mate karate saya. Sedondon satu family baju warna merah! Sampai GF dia pun pakai baju merah. So, itu jak la convo senior yang saya sempat p tgk. Yang lain-lain mana sempat jumpa..

Saya rasa gembira tuk senior-senior yag sudah konvo. Yang suda keja tu, semoga sukses selalu. kalau sudah gaji, jan lupa kasi bank in sikit2..hahahahha… belanja makan pun ok juga la…:P kalau yang sambung master d USM tu, ba, bejumpa lagi kita nanti. Hehehehe. Kalau yang sambung master d U lain, selamat berjaya untuk menempuhi kelas, kajian atau apapa la. Kalau yang 1tahun jak master tu, nampaknya kamu grad yang ke- 2 kali, sa belum lagi grad2 ni. Sadis oi! Tapi dalam masa yang sama, saya sedih jugak la. Lepas ni ndataw bila lek mau jumpa senior-senior sekalian. Saya rindu masa kita sama-sama spend time. Bergelak ketawa, bergurau senda dan bermacam macam lagi aktiviti yang menarik. Harap-harap kita berjumpa lagi ♥♥♥

P/S: Ini adalah entri bahasa palin cincai...seiapa nda paham..ada sia kesah? hahahhaha...asal saya puas hati!

I'm really tired! Physically and mentally! :(

a little update

     Been busy for these few days! And its only the second week since the class started. This week is the convocation week. Supposed to be the relaxing and enjoyable week. But thanks to me, I made it super busy and tiring week. Thinking about daily life and NEXT week classes made me headache. Well, that how life it is. Right? I would not stay here to write anymore cause it will only drag my 'merepekness' and melancholy... So, good night and till we meet again diary. <3

P/S: Don't need to be strong Pink! Because you are already strong! Just be yourself. :) 

Forteen

            Lohe? Lohe? Selamat tengah malam semua! Apa yang saya nak kongsikan pada hari ini? Sebenarnya, saya baru sahaja selesai menonton anime Bleach episod 339, memang sangat teruja! Tidak sabar menunggu episod seterusnya. Selepas itu, saya membaca manga Bleach episod 464, lagilah teruja! :P  Okey la, sebenarnya saya ingin berkongsi dengan semua lagu tak berapa baru tapi baru saya temui bulan lepas apabila seorang kawan mengatakan lagu ini menarik. Pada mulanya, saya tidak mengambil perhatian terhadap lagu ini (seperti biasa, lagu ini disyorkan oleh kawan). Tetapi, disaat mendengar dan menghayati bait-bait lagu ini, ia terasa begitu bermakna. Lagu syahdu menusuk kalbu la ni! Mendengarkan melodi lagu ini, ia mengingatkan saya dengan kumpulan lelaki pop di Malaysia pada suatu ketika dahulu. Kebanyakkan lagu yang dihasilkan dan dinyanyikan kumpulan ini mempunyai genre yang sebegini. Tidak lain dan tidak bukan, kumpulan KRU! Tapi lagu yang bakal saya kongsikan, bukan dinyanyikan oleh kumpulan ini, tetapi kumpulan yang berada dibawah naungan KRU studios, Forteen. Siapakah Forteen?

            Kumpulan Forteen ini dianggotai oleh One, Ariz, Izzue dan Ameer. Nama sebenar? Tak tau! Hahahaha. Kumpulan ini baru ditubuhkan untuk mengembalikan kegemilangan kumpulan lelaki pop yang pernah menjadi fenomena suatu ketika dahulu? Tidak pasti. Tapi mungkin juga. Lagu memang sedap, tapi pada mulanya saya ingat lagu ini dinyanyikan oleh kumpulan The Lima. Tak tau apa perkembangan mereka sekarang. 

Gambar telah diambil daripada hasil carian Google.

Berdua Bersatu - Forteen

kenapa cinta kita

selalu saja diduga

bagai ada tak merestu

kita berdua bersatu

atau mungkin kau dan aku

ditakdir untuk berpisah

walaupun melawan arus

kita berdua bersatu

sering kali ku mendengar

patah tumbuh hilang berganti

tetapi ku tidak mahu

cinta selain darimu

jika denganmu salah

ku tak mahu yang benar

jika denganmu rebah biarlah ku tercalar

walau dilanda badai

ku sanggup kerna ku mampu

kita berdua bersatu

jika denganmu kabur

ku tak mahu yang jelas

jika denganmu hanyut

biarlah aku lemas

walau dilanda ribut

ku sanggup kerna ku mahu

kita berdua bersatu

P/S: Lagu cinta kaw-kaw punya! hahahaha. Walaupun syahdu, tetap menusuk kalbu. Sekian dulu~ Nak dapatkan rehat secukupnya hari ini. Bangun nanti, banyak lagi aktiviti.. <3

Di tengah malam sayu....

Hi! Hi! Dan Hi sekali lagi! J Hari ini saya akan menulis entri dalam bahasa melayu. Pejam celik, pejam celik, saya dah berada dirumah hampir 2 bulan. Cuti semester bermula pada bulan Mei, tapi saya sampai ke rumah pada bulan Julai. Selepas ini, saya akan kembali ke Pulau Pinang kerana semester baru akan dibuka pada minggu hadapan. Bagi pelajar yang baru memasuki universiti, mereka sedang mengikuti minggu orientasi pada minggu ini. Tahniah dan selamat datang diucapkan kepada pelajar baru.

          Setiap cuti amat dinantikan, namun kebanyakkan pelajar seakan ingin mengelakkan penghujung cuti. Sesetengah pelajar mungkin berasa gembira apabila semester baru akan bermula dan pasti ramai pelajar yang akan bersedih kerana ada daripadanya terpaksa meninggalkan rumah dan keluarga tercinta. Walau apapun, hargailah masa yang cuti yang masih ada dengan sebaiknya. J

          Cuti ini adalah salah satu tempoh yang bermakna dalam hidup saya. Berjumpa kembali dengan kawan yang hilang 5 tahun lalu, bertemu dengan kawan-kawan rapat (bersama anak-anak mereka!) , berhari raya (walaupun hanya beberapa buah rumah) dan sebagainya. Tidak dilupakan banyak lagi waktu-waktu yang berharga dan bukan selalu dapat dirasai. J Walaupun suasana rumah yang kadang-kadang memeningkan kepala, namun suasana ini pasti saya rindui nanti. Bila mengenangkan ketika saya hendak balik ke rumah dulu, saya merasa keberatan. Namun, setelah berada di rumah pada waktu penghujung cuti ini, saya terasa sayu untuk meninggalkan tanah kelahiran ini. Bukan sedih untuk meninggalkan tilam yang empuk atau rancangan TV, tapi bagaikan ada sesuatu yang memanggil diri untuk terus berada disini. Hati meronta untuk terus berada disini dan menikmati keadaan dan orang-orang yang bermakna dalam hidup ini.......

P/S: Ini lah yang terjadi kalau menulis entri yang tidak dirancang. Merepek dan meleret. Menjadi tempat luahan perasaan. Sehingga kita bertemu lagi diari. J   

Pokok - Hazama ft MUH

Pokok – Hazama ft MUH

Tersesat malu bertanya
Tak tahu tak tahu ke mana
Terlalu banyak alasannya
Duk terdiam

Menyusur di kaki lima
Terlihat bayang wajah kelmarin
Tersentuh hati bagai luruh

Korus
Tanya sama pokok apa sebab goyang
Jawab angin yang goncang
Terbang burung terbang
Patah sayap diduga
Seandainya rebah
Kau masih ada

Terlalu mahu dan mahu
Terlupa apa yang perlu
Terlalu banyak alasannya
Duduk terdiam

Tak mudah namun tak susah
Terserah atas pilihan
Tersentuh hati mula luruh

Ulang Korus

Kau masih ada
Kau masih ada
Kau masih ada
Kau masih ada

Terlalu mahu dan mahu
Terlupa apa yang perlu
Terlalu banyak alasannya
Duduk terdiam

Tak mudah namun tak susah
Terserah atas pilihan
Tersentuh hati mula luruh
Tanya sama pokok

P/S: Pada mulanya, saya tidak berapa suka dengan lagu ini. Tetapi saya mendapati lama-kelamaan saya mula menyanyikan bahagian korus lagu ini tanpa disedari. Kawan saya mula menegur saya kerana menyanyikan bahagian korus berulang-ulang. Lagu ini mempunyai tarikannya yang tersendiri. Lirik lagu yang mempunyai maksud yang tersurat dan tersirat amat menarik perhatian saya. Pada pendapat saya, lirik lagu ini mengandungi unsur-unsur nasihat dan motivasi. (saya terasa hendak menulis entri lirik ini kerana sudah lama tidak menulis entri lirik lagu)

Double festive!

         Hey! Hey! I’m writing again in this diary! What I want to write today? Firstly, I want to wish “Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri” to all Muslim’s in this world and also Happy 54^th Independent Day to all Malaysian. It’s blessed that this year the Raya Day clash with the Malaysia’s independent day. (Last year it is same too! And I think next year it would be the same too!)

            First day of Raya Day, it was yesterday. What I do and where I went? I wake up quite early yesterday, but lazy to get up. So I just lay in my bed until fall asleep again. Not in the mood to SMS my friend to wish them Happy Raya, so I just replied those who had SMS me. (I think I’m really not into texting people now. It just so contra when I remember last time I was like cannot stop replying SMS, texting whole day and night, even when in class. That’s one of the reasons I’m awake in class? Hahahahaha) Then, my mother persuades me and my brother to go to her in-laws house. I was reluctant at first because I’m not into the mood of visiting them. Last time I go to their house is 3years ago. That time they still at their old house. I haven’t been to the new location of the house, so I’m scared and lazy to go. (Wouldn’t you be scared when you heard there is no electricity, and that place only can be reached by speed boat? To be exact, I feel it was very fussy!) My brother stands still for his decision, he doesn’t want to get up from his bed. Me? I have to go along because I don’t like it when my mother sulking. It was very annoying, fussy when I have to see those faces. What really tickles my anger in the beginning is rain! Argh! Muddy! But I control my anger and just go along with the plan. (Be patient, be patient, relax, relax. I whisper those words inside me) Then? We have to wait for speed boat, another annoying activity. (I feel that I really want to burst at that moment. Why there are so many things annoy me in this first day of Raya?) When I hop into the boat, it was a turnout of an event. I feel so calm and enjoying the boat ride along the river. So, the anger just like that cooled off by the wind. Reached there, off course first thing to do is filling my tummy! I’m excited and enjoying the awesome and delicious Sambal Belacan! hahahahaha. Not the Ketupat or Rendang, but Sambal Belacan! (Well, it’s hard to eat delicious Sambal Belacan at Penang! Or to be precise, it’s just far from my standard of ‘delicious’.) Well, it’s like the Katy Perry song lyrics, “Comparisons are easily done, when you had the taste of perfection…” After that, eat Soto! I ate 2 bowls of Soto! Then, I just sat there and blank! Why? No electricity, so no TV, no radio, no fan, etc. No entertainment! Luckily the weather is not too hot that time, so I decided to listen to my MP3, eating Kuaci, and just watches my brother, Rahim, fishing. Besides that, I also enjoying the ocean view. (This one is super awesome cool! I love the view of ocean!) It’s already 4pm and I’m whining to my mother to go home. (Well, it’s more to complaining and persuading session.  :P) She say she will stay back!? The last thing I want to do is sleep there! So, I just go home alone. Not a problem! Again, I’m enjoying the view and breeze there. (Even fantasizing to have evening boat ride with someone special. Together watching the sunset and enjoy the sea breeze. Perghhh.. How was it? :P ) Enjoying the moment and totally didn’t prepare myself for the next possible events! We have to go through a muddy swamp to reach the shore! I almost fell into the muddy swamp! Omaigosh! Then, the harder part is to find water to wash feet. I’m so tired to complain or even to think about it, so I just kept quiet and found a pail of rain water and wash my feet there. Skip the journey goes home. Reached home, I’m just so happy like super-super excited! My mum and stepfather won’t be home tonight! I would conquer the living room! Hahahahaha. But something suddenly destroyed the excitement! My friend called me and tells me that he is involved in an accident! What the?!? From what I heard from him, it was quite critical. Luckily no one is in critical conditions. Stitches and bruises sound normal to me. Involved in accident in the first day of Raya is still sound tragic for me. Lucky that he is the type of calm and fast thinker person, I believe he is. But he sounded frustrated because the car is recently bought! He had been using it less than 2month! (If me? Huh? Don’t know what will happen) Hope he is fine now. Last night I sleep quite early, headache.

            2^nd day of Raya and also independent day! I wake up at 5.30am! I don’t believe it! Hahahaha. Wake up, online and just wondering inside the house. And? Do some house chores? (I can’t believe it myself! Whatever it is, it’s a good thing right? :P) Then, lying down at living room watching TV. Fell asleep for awhile. (Huh! Home alone are great! Awesome! And cool too! :P) Prepare my own lunch and that’s the time my mum reached home. Booo! Not home alone now. L  But I’m still glad that she is home safely. After that, continue watching TV. My mother again spoiled the fun of watching TV when she dragged me to an open house. It’s tiring! If the road is not ‘berbukit-bukit’, maybe I still can accept. I don’t prefer to go there because I’m not used to the people there. Boooo! And I really hate to say this. My mum friend wants to introduce me to her son? Hohohoho. This is really ridiculous! So, I just flash my deathly stare to my mum to warn her. Don’t even think about it! I’m not interested! Back from the open house, I straightly take my nap. Yeah! Wake up around 7-8pm just now. (It’s because I’m annoyed with the Ridsect’s smell. It was awful smell that poisonous. I’m not sure if it can actually kill people, but it surely kills mosquitoes! I don’t want to spend the rest of less than 2 weeks holiday lay in my bed, poisoned.) Now, I’m just typing this diary entry and enjoying my coke.

P/S: Tomorrow, another open house to attend. This one is not based on ‘dragged’ position, this one is free will! To my classmate open house. I haven’t seen her for quite a long time, kind of miss her. Hopefully it will not be reminisce the past session. hahahaha. Whatever it is, it’s better than dragged by my mum to join her to open house. Today incident is enough! It’s embarrassing! That’s all for today entry, till we meet again diary. (it really took some time just to open the web page.. Doing this entry took me about 1/2 hour, but to upload all the pictures and loading? approximately 2hours!arghhh) J

This small guy is lighting his firework.

Yeah, with his lighted firework.

Enjoying together.

He is serious. Wrong mood huh?

First day of Raya, waiting for the speed boat.

Age is not a measure to enjoy the nature.

Those kids sure are adorable. :)

Trying his luck fishing.

A grandma playing with her grandson.

Enjoying the sea breeze and flash a smile. :)

Feel the wind, enjoy the moment.

<3

A grandma with her granddaughter  in a small boat.

Love the view.

Ready to launch. Nescafe and Milo had nothing to do in this launching. :P

Its launched!

Firework. <3

*all the pictures are re-sized into 600x800. The resolution not so good. The original file sure are too big to upload. (to be honest, I'm not satisfied with it)