Depressed Mode

Today is Malaysia 53rd Birthday....

the works that I listed before already done...

but there still have few more going on this week before semester break...

Actually I feel so depressed right now...

wanna go out and having dinner outside...

want to walk at shopping mall to ease this depressed mode...

wanna eat a lot of things....

wanna watch movie...

hurm...

a lot of planning....

but I think not gonna happen....

because too many things to be done...

but....

if my craziness attacking....

there is nothing impossible for me...

I really hate this kind of feeling....

if 'they' had started...

it was the beginning of melancholy episodes in my daily life....

sweep away my happiness....

spoil all the moods....

destroy my life routines....

I think it better for me to go to the doctor...

am I gonna be one of the honored members of Bukit Padang?

hopefully not....

Tg Rambutan also no way!

hahahahah... 

before I end up saying too many craps here...

its better for me to go out!

breathe some fresh air....

ease my heart and my mind...

there is no way I can study in this mode...

hurm....

till we meet soon in another post...

bye..bye...my diary~

Words or Actions?

its not the thousand words that come out from your mouth that really matter...but how you feel inside your heart that important....but there are things that can't be expressed in words...and can be known if and only if their feeling are mutual....that is what i always believed...but i still don't get it...'action speak louder than words' sometimes,action just worsen the situation and when u try to make it better...now the the quote applicable 100%,no matter what you say after doing an action....the impact of the slight action is bigger than thousand words you have said before and after the action....

One By One

1. 19Aug 2010, BM Comprehension test!
2. 21Aug 2010, Day Out! XD
3. 22 Aug 2010, breaking fast with anak-anak yatim at Nurhidayah, Perak..
4. 23Aug 2010, English oral presentation titled ' what I want to improve about myself?'
5. 24Aug 2010, Organizational Behavior Midterm Exam.
6. 24 Aug 2010, PERSIS Meeting (PWTC briefing).
7. 24 Aug 2010, breaking fast with Vice Minister of  Malaysia Transportation.
8. 26 Aug 2010, going to PWTC, breaking fast with Sabah Chief Minister.
9. 29Aug 2010, performance at EPCC
10. 30Aug 2010, Organizational Behavior Assignment due! (haven't started anything yet!)

*Things that already DONE.*

13Aug, 14Aug, 15Aug, 18Aug, 20Aug, 25Aug 2006

13August 2006 - well...written in my diary...I'm missing him...hahahah...this time planning to get new number phone...too much unknown numbers calling and texts...feel very unpleasant when cannot reach him through phone.

14August 2006 - started training cadet marching for the campaign ' kibarkan Jalur Gemilang'

15August 2006 - feel so 'geram', he is missing for few days and suddenly popped out without apologizing...looks like my relationship already known by people...huhuh...and after I have known him...surprisingly there are 2-3 guys asked me to become their GF...too late...I already have him in my life..;)

18August2006 - the 'Kibarkan Jalur Gemilang' day... *suddenly remembered...we have to wear 'tudung' in this march..feel and look so awkward....so hot~~~*

20August2006 - hurm....fight with him...for unclear reason...hahaha...sulk mode..."Off Phone and Serious Silent" operation...huhuhu...strolling with best friend...with another friend of her...I thought her friend is a boy...well she looked like one too...but accidentally know that she is a girl...funny moment...;p

25August2006 - did a confession to him...huhuh...like digging your own graveyard...but after confessing feel more relaxed...then straight to the point take action...clearing all the unclear things...but also feel stress at the same time..and what did I do if I'm stress? Went out to take some fresh air...but dunno where did I go that time...it only 2.10pm when I write this entry....*If I'm stressed, I tend to go out to anywhere to release my tension...that makes me always MISSING and CANT BE ACCESSIBLE FOR A MOMENT*

Suddenly...

actually I didn't planned to write anything today....

but there is something happened and make me want to write something here...

just want to release the burden in my heart....

want to talk about risk....

life is all about making decisions or choices...

its not always what we need....

sometimes what we want is more important to us...

and off course, it still up to us to decide....

which things that we THINK we need or want....

and when it comes to choose...

there it comes....

the RISKS or CONSEQUENCES that we might face after made a decision...

its like an INVESTMENT...

you make your investment when you think its has the potential to produce profit...

but....

things can happen others than we have thought..

if it produce PROFIT...

off course you will be happy and continue with it....

or some (very little or no one) might stop their investment....

but many of them will continue it....

well there is a simple saying for this situation that sound like this...

"Siapa mau rugi??Semua mau untung..."

if it LOSS??

many people will quit the investment....

and just a little of them will continue it....

the people that quit will not stop there....

they will find others opportunity to gain back what they have lose in by investing in new investment...

and for those that continue the investment....

they may have various reasons to stay...

one: to minimize their loses...

if they quit....they may have to face bigger loses....

two:they believe that the investment will gain profit soon...

economic can change rapidly without people even realize it...

and they will gain their profit suddenly...

same goes to us...HUMAN...

and it was even drastic for them....

because they are open to bias,emotion,moods,the most important is..

they can use their BRAIN properly than any other species...

no one can run from making a decision....

for a really simple example...

ME....

if I choose to go sleep few hours ago....

probably I can get enough sleep and do my work tomorrow...

but I didnt choose to sleep....

I choose to do some of my works and keep awake until now...

even thought I had lot of things to do tomorrow that use lot of energy and enough sleep...

i take the risk to do my works and will cause me really exhausted tomorrow...

Updated "NEED TO DO LIST"

1. 19Aug 2010, BM Comprehension test!
2. 21Aug 2010, Day Out! XD
3. 22 Aug 2010, breaking fast with anak-anak yatim at Nurhidayah, Perak..
4. 23Aug 2010, English oral presentation titled ' what I want to improve about myself?'
5. 24Aug 2010, Organizational Behavior Midterm Exam.
6. 24 Aug 2010, PERSIS Meeting (PWTC briefing).
7. 24 Aug 2010, breaking fast with Vice Minister of  Malaysia Transportation.
8. 26 Aug 2010, going to PWTC, breaking fast with Sabah Chief Minister.(not confirmed yet)
9. 29Aug 2010, performance at EPCC
10. 30Aug 2010, Organizational Behavior Assignment due! (haven't started anything yet!)
11. AGM Report for Karate Club.

this updated version of my works...*huhuh*

the one that highlighted with Aqua...

is the work that already done....

and the one that highlighted with yellow are addition to my works...

well....

it really suits my previous title isn't it???

"One down...Two more coming..."

today i'm being appointed as a secretary for the Karate Club...

this is the position that I tried to avoid up until now...

and then now??

I can't run anymore...

more and more responsible coming in....

*should I happy or sad in this situation?*

One Down...Two More Coming....

last week my burden was lessen a bit...

and now???

hahahahaha....

just like the title mentioned....

now i'm really have lots things to settle....

okay...

let me list it...

1. 19Aug 2010, BM Comprehension test!
2. 21Aug 2010, Day Out! XD
3. 22 Aug 2010, breaking fast with anak-anak yatim at Nurhidayah, Perak..
4. 23Aug 2010, English oral presentation titled ' what I want to improve about myself?'
5. 24Aug 2010, Organizational Behavior Midterm Exam.
6. 24 Aug 2010, PERSIS Meeting.
7. 26 Aug 2010, going to PWTC, breaking fast with Sabah Chief Minister.(not confirmed yet)
8. 29Aug 2010, performance at EPCC(also not confirmed yet)
9. 30Aug 2010, Organizational Behavior Assignment due! (haven't started anything yet!)

in a week time...

there are sooooo many things to be settled...

is this a practice for me to become the next Chief Minister??*In my dream la~~~*

hahahhahah....

luckily for the OB Midterm I have done some early revision...

left 1more chapter to revise...

if the performance at EPPC is confirmed...

thats mean every night have to practice....

well...

this haven't include the tutorials that need to do every week....

BM,BI,Finance...

wah~~~

don't know if I have enough energy to do all these...

now I'm in the trial of fasting...

*DIET PLAN+FINANCIALLY BROKE*

gambatte ne?

if other people can do it why not me???

I cannot lose!!!

This is me!

even if I fall down...

i will always get up...

thanks to all people that supported me....Love you all....

XOXOXOXOX

Another scary dream!

I can't stand it..another dream appear! why am I dreaming all these kind of dream? SCARY! HORRIBLE! SURPRISING! ANNOYING! last night, i was dreaming something that really scary! but I couldn't refresh it...and when i went to bed this morning, i sleep at 4am..another scary dream appears! what i could remember is, i'm watching someone from the outside of the window,and the person was stuck there because of heavy rain.. There was a guy there and with a girl..I don't know what they doing there..then after the rain stopped, i was going to the pantry to take hot water..I'm in a such a hurry and wear my neighbor slippers,running to the pantry..I feel my foot was so heavy to run,but i continue running....and on the way back to my room, i encountered with the guy i saw outside my window,and he totally ignored me..the most pathetic incident is...his friend laugh at me and he just joined them...it hurt you so much when the guy that laugh at you is someone important to you...suddenly the hostels room are changed! they said the room already changed and i don't know where is my room and i couldn't find it...so i just walking around without slippers( the slippers was gone while i'm running),and looked really blur to my surrounding...i awake few times in my dream but when i sleep back...it was the same place that in my dream..then the environment changed...i was in my hometown and wandering with my friends at the weekend market..we just strolling and chatting...after that i can't remember what happened...but the last scene that leave me really big surprise when my mum suddenly holding a pistol and become out of control..she was crying and trying to shoot herself and my youngest brother..i rushed to her and hold the gun away from my brother...in the end,i'm the one who got shot at my chest..the last thing i remember in my dream is i just lying there after got shot and my mother totally ignored me...is this just my feeling?why i keep encountered with such dream?i started to feel uneasy about all this things! the beginning of this month was disasters for me...where i have to face my feelings and stressful work environment...with many things to do and i have to face some of people behaviors that really annoy me but i just can bear it and cannot just blurt it out...not only the people that i have known for a short while...same goes to the people that i had known for a period of time....and when some of it settled...now comes the series of bad dreams...if this series of stress continue to attack me...i'm really going to be dead soon...i want to do something that really can lessen my stress burden...one of it is by writing in blog...another method...will be discovered later..or should i try my old method?hurm....


*back to english mode,writing in bahasa make me speechless...*

Again... A horrible dream...

Tadi saya bermimpi buruk lagi.... kebelakangan ini saya sering bermimpi buruk... yang menakutkan saya ialah apabila saya bermimpi tentang diri saya sendiri...perkara yang saya ingin elakkan telah muncul dalam mimpi saya...saya semakin takut dengan apa yang saya mampu lakukan...sehingga kini, saya masih mencuba untuk menahan diri saya daripada terlalu marah atau tertekan... saya cuba menenangkan hati apabila terasa hendak marah.. pengalaman terdahulu meninggalkan kesan yang mendalam dalam diri saya... saya sentiasa mengingatkan diri agar tidak mengulangi kesilapan yang saya pernah lakukan....pada pendapat saya, kesilapan yang kita pernah lakukan tidak akan sia-sia jika dijadikan peringatan dalam kehidupan.. kadangkala, saya merasa ada kekosongan dalam jiwa saya... saya sendiri tidak pasti apa yang saya ingin capai dalam hidup ini... terasa seperti hidup dalam keadaan yang terumbang-ambing...saya agak sibuk dengan akademik dan aktiviti persatuan pada minggu lalu dan minggu ini saya ingin fokus kepada akademik sahaja...mungkin mimpi yang saya alami disebabkan fikiran saya yang agak terganggu sejak akhir-akhir ini...saya banyak berfikir dan banyak mempersoalkan tentang perkara yang saya telah lakukan...fikiran saya amat bercelaru...sehingga saya merasakan semua yang saya lakukan serba tidak kena...emosi saya bertukar dengan sekelip mata...ada ketikanya saya rasa teramat gembira dan berasa pilu tanpa saya sedari...adakah saya terlalu kritis dalam menilai diri saya sendiri?

Horrible Dream!

sangat menakutkan! harap-harap tidak jadi kenyataan. kenapa la boleh mimpi macam tu? tiada mimpi lain sudah? mungkin ini la padahnya sambung tidur @ tidur selepas baru bangun. leher hampir terseliuh sebab mimpi yang menakutkan itu. isk... terasa macam mahu menangis. adakah sejarah akan berulang? walaupun apa yang saya miliki sekarang bukanlah kemewahan, tetapi saya masih bersyukur dan selesa begini. jauhkanlah saya dari segala niat jahat dan pemikiran yang tidak baik. 

*suddenly want to post in BM...don't laugh k? the grammar is 'tunggang terbalik'...hahahha*

1 Aug, 4Aug, 9Aug, 11Aug 2006

1August 2006 - there was a diagnostic test in school...and I was one of the CHOSEN student that being tested. I guess my absenteeism is one of the main factor that lead to this CHOSEN group. not forgotten, my sleeping schedule in class. still remember that time. my friends are panicked because they were CHOSEN to do the test. so funny. and during this date, also decided to leave my current BF to be with someone else. sound like I'm a BAD girl here. but why want to force yourself to stay if the feeling is not for him anymore?

4August 2006 - currently on mode"MISS".hahah... not the previous BF, but the guy that I had been crazy off...hahah.. I follow my heart and I take a risk. he is so different(for me). from my diary writing, it remind me that how crazy I am that time...  *wink2*

9August 2006 - my friend Hamaliah, birthday....happy birthday mummy kipit~~:p..heard from my friend that during the day I escaped from Razz, my previous BF so pissed and make chaos at there..so surprised! in my diary, i also wrote that I'm in the mode of 'BINGUNG'..cannot remember what it is..;p

11August 2006 - hahahaha...35days of absent! no wonder I'm CHOSEN !*buduh!*

Me with the PERSIS Dance Crew

^Convex 2010^

^Convex 2010 PERSIS Dance Crew^

^Malam Citra Bayu 2010^

^Malam Citra Bayu 2010 PERSIS Dance Crew^

^Convex 2009^

^Convex 2009 PERSIS Dance Crew^

One down.. Many more to go...

Convex performance done!

released one burden..

now still a lot more to go...

and almost all of it happening this week...

again a heavy week....

fasting month also will start this week...

*Diet project will start also*

now I'm stuck in doing my Minor assignment...

and the presentation is tomorrow....

plus...

tomorrow is the most busy day for me in the whole week..

my BM assignments also stuck!

and need to submit it within this @ this thursday....

die...die....die...

I hate complaining because but I also don't like being complained...

but I can't help it...

and then my OB assignment also haven't started....

*dush3*

last week my havoc week for dance practice...

and this week will be disaster week that filled by assignments...

and thats not the end...

next week I will become too exhausted to do anything...

******************************

In the middle of night

Very tired...

just done with packing tomorrow stuff...

still got class on 9a.m.*sigh*

just done with some checking to LKM400 project work...

so stress actually...

because i feel that i wanna write back all the stuff...

not satisfying...

and this is the reason i don't like group work...

writing is better than repairing...

guess i can't say anything bout it...

tomorrow will try my best to repair all these things...

a busy week for me...

hopefully i am not too exhausted next week...

it will affect my overall mood....

tomorrow will be another busy and tiring day....

*go,go,go*