♥♥Just about what I have gone through every day... So it will remind me of my life path up until now... I want to express it with words... My small brain can’t afford to keep it all... The language may 'Campur2' because it’s my diary after all... who will cares anyway??? XD♥♥

♥♥Life not always happen like you have planned.. Everyday there will be surprises happening in your life.. Treasure it.. Appreciate it.. It may not always happen.. And maybe will not happen again..♥♥

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Friday, May 6, 2011

She's the one

     There is an important woman in my life. Few years back its two. Now one of them already gone. I love both of them but they don't get along so well. But that doesn't really affect my love for both of them. She left me behind while I'm battling with my examination. Though I didn't cried, she leave deep emotion in me. I couldn't cried not that I didn't feel sad. But her sudden leave make me speechless and take away my words and tears. Its almost 3years you had left me, I hope you will always watch me from up there and always near to my heart. We quarrel a lot, we made each other cry, we scold each other, we ignore each other and we hurt each other. But both of us know that we love each other. The bond that we had since long time ago can't be denied. Now I still cry when I think back what I'd done to you. I ignored you, quarrel with you, make you cry, make you feel worried and lot more. I know back then that I really love you but I can't really show it. I failed to express my love and care for you. But I know that you know I love you so much. May you rest in peace and I will visit your graveyard when I go home this semester break. Love you grandma.

     The woman that important in my life now is my mother. I can't really describe how important she is. The truth is gonna hurt but I will take it. I can't say any words to describe her. I'm not a family-type of person. So when I'm in trouble, the probability that I will turn to my family is almost 0%. I can't say that I can't talk to her but I'd rather to keep it to myself because I don't want to burden her. She got enough challenges in her life and I'm aware that its just not right to turn to her. I know she loves me a lot and being the only daughter are privilege to me. She will be one of the reason that I keep living on my life and make her proud. Being the not-family-type person make it hard for me to say to her, "I love you, mum". Well, its not easy or actually hard for me to say it. This woman is important in my life but growing up with the crowd of guys make it easier for me to talk to the man in my life, dad. I take some time to say to him, "I love you, dad". Deep inside me, I know that the bond that created with my mother mean much more. But I know I just can tell her straight neither through the phone. The last time I called her, she just tell me to focus on my study and don't bother about any problems or issues at home. I used to blame her about everything. I used to try to hate her. But I just can't really do it. As time goes by, time had make me understand what she had gone through. Though I can't really understand it because she's the one feel it all. I have the responsibility to protect her, she trusted me and I must not make her down. I can't tell you straightly but I want you to know that I really love and care for you. For the ignorance or misbehave that I'd been acting, I want to apologies. Its really nonsense but my expression of love just doesn't seems like it. I failed to express and tend to hurt. I know that you would understand it mum. Happy mother's day to you. When I get back, we will try to do something about it. :D

*Do we look alike? :) My mother with my youngest brother..<3 *

* My mother with my 2nd, 4th and youngest brother*

* My mother with my 2nd and 3rd brother*

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