Love - Care - Hurt

I learn something about myself today. I isolate myself because I don't want to get involved too much with people around me. I'm afraid to love again. I'm afraid to care again. I'm afraid to hurt again. But in the same time, I can't endure the feeling of being isolated and alone. I'm afraid of isolation. I'm afraid to be alone. :'(

P/S: Maybe I've known this for long time, but I refuse to admit it. Watching all those faces in my dream just make me more and more vulnerable.

This is like dragging me now.. Why you have to come back into my mind and make me this way.. I'm over melancholia now... Please just leave dear... I beg you...

Hair

August 2011

September 2011

November 2011

P/S: goodbye my long hair...

A note to you dear....

Dear,

I thought I could forget you. I just want to say that I miss you so bad. I miss your smile and your voice. Please be happy there, so I don't have the regret to let you walk out from me. I really want to see you so bad, but I'm afraid that I will totally lost when I see you again. I miss you so.

Sincerely,

Yonlu by OJ Law

Everybody knows that 
Life is what you make of it 
And now everything is perfect 
But we're the ones who are struggling around 

Soon it will be daybreak 
People posing questions are aroused 
"When will you get married? 
When will you go find a proper job?" 

But in this life 
We might not know where we're going 
We try to say the words they want to hear 
But it's only a lie to bide the time 
Before we move on own 

Sentimental musings 
Memories of a childhood that has passed 
When I was a young'un 
Things were once like this 
But now they're not 

How do you explain that 
This map that we've chosen is unmarked? 
All we see is ocean 
All directions are uncharted isles 

But in this life 
We might not know where we're going 
We try to say the words they want to hear 
But it's only a lie to bide the time 
Before we move on own.

I need mental and emotional support so badly now. Holding back myself to fall and give it up. No time for another heart throb moments. No time to even look at my face in the mirror now. But I spare some time to type this entry, just to distress myself and wish you good night. Good night my diary.

P/S: 'Fantastic Adventure' keep humming on my mind now. I really need an escapade and enough rest after this critical time had passed! Dekimasu ka? okotou wa dekimasu! daijobuda! :D 

11/11/11

This is not always happen (haven't happen yet, to be precise).. Last year it is 10/10/10. And if I can live until next year, I have the chance to be on 12/12/12. What is so special about this date? For me.... Nothing actually.

Tomorrow I will be going to Kajang, Selangor. I take this chance to join the 'University Ambassador'. Well, I have to struggle since I still have 2 assignment that on my list to submit within a week! I don't know if I can make it. Besides that, I still have my midterm on next Tuesday. Off course I haven't read that too! Week after that? I prefer not to say anything bout it, I will be deadly stressed. I decide to hang on until the managerial accounting midterm. After that, I will relax myself for a while. Maybe escape somewhere during the weekend. I need to distress because after that I will be super busy with others assignment as well as programs and not forgotten, the FINAL EXAM. 

I've been thinking this lately, I probably will quit my job. I hope that by quitting I can have more time to do my assignments, spending time with friends and get enough rest! Mark my word, by the end of this month I will quit my job! Its not because I hate the job, but it seems like I need more time to fulfill my responsibilities in study! Its not that I'm desperately need money. I just make myself satisfied by working. Be patient Pink, after you finished you study, you can work all you want! Stop pushing yourself so hard, you will fall and hurt. My friends say that I looked really tired every time they see me. Maybe I should enjoy myself joining the university programs rather than working. I might not have the chance to enjoy this moment after graduating. 

P/S: Dear diary, why do I feel so lonely now? I can feel I'm crying silently in my heart. Please don't be like this heart. Everything gonna be fine. This is just for a while. Smile.. :)

Relationship (X)

            Surprise! Surprise! Last night I was so surprised! It is not impossible but I didn’t see it coming! You really make me startled! But I have the feeling that this has to be settled. Seriously, I wasn’t expecting this. I don’t know how to put it, but I really didn’t have the intention to start any serious relationship now. I’m tired of being confused by my own feeling so I set aside all the intention to serious with anyone right now, at least for the time being. My priority now is to finish my study and enjoy my university life. I’m sorry that I hurt you. Thing happen so fast, time flies very fast. You choose your path and walk it. I’ve chosen mine and now I’m walking it.

We are in the wrong time and wrong place. The only thing that is right now this moment is feeling.

November! :D

            Hey November! Welcome! It’s almost the end of the year. Around 2month? And that indicate a lot of things for me!

1.       .  Final exam is another 2month!
2.      .  " Pesta Penang" is next month!
3.     .   2012 is coming!

So exaggerating right? Well~ Drama~ many things happened, sad, happy, fun, etc. (I should save this nonsense speech later~) Apart from all the things I listed above, I still have to go through lot more assignments and test! Next week is mid semester break but thanks to me; I just make commitment to my works and assignments! It’s just a week without classes though. Work, work and work every day, assignments to complete and test to revise! Till we meet again diary, I’m back to my business.♥