♥♥Just about what I have gone through every day... So it will remind me of my life path up until now... I want to express it with words... My small brain can’t afford to keep it all... The language may 'Campur2' because it’s my diary after all... who will cares anyway??? XD♥♥

♥♥Life not always happen like you have planned.. Everyday there will be surprises happening in your life.. Treasure it.. Appreciate it.. It may not always happen.. And maybe will not happen again..♥♥

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Wednesday, January 29, 2014

Mind noise

Hello everyone! Here we go again, updating blog. Well, I should be writing about my company blog post but I decided to come here for a while to update my own blog.

How's life for everyone? Its reaching toward the end of January 2014. Still keeping track on your resolution? I can feel that I am getting distant from my resolution. My ultimate resolution for this year is to be more positive toward life and achieve more growth in career and personally. 

I admit that I'm a troublesome fella. I always do things on my own rhythm and that make me not really favorable in a group. I always have this helpless feeling and it make me unproductive in my work and life. Besides that, I also tend to be relying on my feeling in accomplishing my tasks. 

Looking back at the time when I play games on my phone and lying on my bed doing nothing and fall asleep, its really a waste of time! Sometimes when I'm out with my friends, I tend to be tired and complaint a lot *and still complaining here now*

Conversation really help me to refresh. I need opinion and feedback from surrounding. Always insisting that I don't care about my surrounding but I actually react with every events that is happening in my life. I can say that I've been running a lot in my life. When I was little, I'm running from the reality of religion. Now that I'm grown up, I'm running from my family situation. Being far away from home doesn't mean that I don't care about it. But I decided some time ago, I should be focusing on developing myself. They are grown up, and so do I. We have our own life to manage. I choose to not think about it. I'm afraid that I will hit my limit. Mental and emotional breakdown. 

I'm very clingy. Especially with the people that are close to me. I feel that I will be hurt and lead me to stop sharing my feeling and thought. This lack of trust feeling leading me astray from people. I tend to give negative comment and some time say mean words. Growing in condition where relationship is equal to pain and heartbreak has shaped my personality in a wrong way. 

I do really want to be close to someone that I can trust and share my life with. Supporting each other and cherish the moment together. To be honest, I don't know what I should do in this relationship. Are we broken or just bent? 

Now, I need that silent hug.

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