Mind noise

Hello everyone! Here we go again, updating blog. Well, I should be writing about my company blog post but I decided to come here for a while to update my own blog.

How's life for everyone? Its reaching toward the end of January 2014. Still keeping track on your resolution? I can feel that I am getting distant from my resolution. My ultimate resolution for this year is to be more positive toward life and achieve more growth in career and personally. 

I admit that I'm a troublesome fella. I always do things on my own rhythm and that make me not really favorable in a group. I always have this helpless feeling and it make me unproductive in my work and life. Besides that, I also tend to be relying on my feeling in accomplishing my tasks. 

Looking back at the time when I play games on my phone and lying on my bed doing nothing and fall asleep, its really a waste of time! Sometimes when I'm out with my friends, I tend to be tired and complaint a lot *and still complaining here now*. 

Conversation really help me to refresh. I need opinion and feedback from surrounding. Always insisting that I don't care about my surrounding but I actually react with every events that is happening in my life. I can say that I've been running a lot in my life. When I was little, I'm running from the reality of religion. Now that I'm grown up, I'm running from my family situation. Being far away from home doesn't mean that I don't care about it. But I decided some time ago, I should be focusing on developing myself. They are grown up, and so do I. We have our own life to manage. I choose to not think about it. I'm afraid that I will hit my limit. Mental and emotional breakdown. 

I'm very clingy. Especially with the people that are close to me. I feel that I will be hurt and lead me to stop sharing my feeling and thought. This lack of trust feeling leading me astray from people. I tend to give negative comment and some time say mean words. Growing in condition where relationship is equal to pain and heartbreak has shaped my personality in a wrong way. 

I do really want to be close to someone that I can trust and share my life with. Supporting each other and cherish the moment together. To be honest, I don't know what I should do in this relationship. Are we broken or just bent? 

Now, I need that silent hug.