Gloomy day

Its a gloomy day.

Been sleeping for straight 12 hours! *awake two times and didn't bother to get up from bed, so fall asleep again* Feel so down, extremely down. Well, this is like being the typical me. I'm easily affected by extreme mood change. Wake up, clean up room, fold clothes and after this laundry. The laundry maybe after grab some food at the cafe. Haven't eat anything for the past 12 hours! 

Been thinking very hard this few days. Go home or go away. My current emotion tell me that I should go away, but my head telling me to go home, first. Things really messed up right now. Probably I should go back first and find job at my hometown. To be honest, I don't have any career planning. Then why I went through all the hassle to study over all these years? For the sake of feeding my satisfaction, ego to be precise. I never promised my grandma to further my study, but I did it to fulfill her wish because I didn't see her in her final moment. She did visit me in my dream though.

If I were to set goal for my future, I will be strayed by my over fantasy perfect living. Too good to be true. Reality is kind of pissing me off now, but I just go with it. I become afraid to imagine my future, to dream. I never really plan anything in my life. I hate the fact that I keep comparing myself to others that seems to be just fine. I know they have their own hardship but I find it hard that they can do it and I can't. I have this feeling of don't want to be lower than anyone since I was small. Maybe that's the reason I tried to do everything but never actually master anything. 

Try everything, master nothing. 

I live my life by believing that it's better to know everything. But everything seems to be so unreal right? And the fact that I have commitment problem is just so obvious. I have extremely spike and downfall in emotion and motivation. Long-term commitment. There's a time that you will feel so down and feel commitment become a burden. Where you don't have freedom to choose whether to hold on or move on. 

Life is a constant battle. Which bridge to cross, which bridge you should burn. And the bridge is not there forever.

I feel so tired and want to move on. My alter ego telling me that to stop halfway is not my style. I don't want to lose. I want to accept the fact that I can't do everything but I ended up doing nothing. Totally. 

People said time will pass by, time will tell, time will heal, time will show you the way. But time is what we are lacking. So much to do, too little time. 

Anyway, I have to set new goals in my life. It is to tiring to live your life everyday without knowing what you want to achieve. I refuse to live that way. 

Its gloomy day. And I want to keep a little bit of sunshine in my inner self.

Jun

*tarik napas panjang-panjang* .... Hah!

Hi! Mo dekat satu bulan tidak menulis sini. Peh, ada seja mood mau menulis, tapi bagi keutamaan kerja lain. Kerja la sangat kan? Hahahah. Jarang ba suda buka laptop sekarang. Mana tahan, di opis suda satu hari tgk skrin, menaip2 takan2, takanan la! Huhuhu.. Balik bilik, buka laptop untuk tgk anime seja. Hahaha. kerja tidak jalan, blog tidak update.

Teknologi canggih suda, boleh tulis diari online. Tapi lain la ba perasaan kalau menulis di kertas, feeling habis. puih! hahahaha. 

Jumaat, 14/06/2013.

Semenjak praktikal ni, semakin menjadi pendiam. Kalau bising, bising berabis. Kalau diam, diam berabis juga. Memang kaki extreme. Hahahaha. Kalau prestasi naik, naik la mendadak tu. Kalau prestasi down, down la berabis. Sandi juga la. Walaupun nda la campen dalam kerja skrg, saya rasa saya suka juga praktikal sana. Nda puas hati, tapi kepala buli tahan juga logik dia. Betukar suda saya jadi si pendiam. Hahaha. Dari dulu pemberontak, skrg memberotak dalam jiwa seja la....

Bisuk2 la sambung, mo buat kerja kunu. HAhA. babai. :)

Sport and Art of me

Hello everyone! *quite in good mood today* Its not that something good happened, it just that my life is smoother today. Thank God for it! It doesn't mean my work/job/issue is settled, somehow I find some way to handle it. You only live once, (or always typed as YOLO, just found out recently) so live it to the fullest. There is no time to feel bad, manage your life, organize it, cherish what you see/have/own in your life and be prepared for the wrinkle situation. Be composed, panic will not help! :)

Okay, today I was informed that there will be physical fitness test on May for USM athletes. Well, I'm not really that sport enthusiast, so maybe I'm a part-time athlete? Hahaha. Still, I have to admit that my physical fitness is kind of out of shape. *I have to start asking my boss if I can get access to the gym, I need exercise badly!* I considered this as positive enforcement since I've been thinking to hit the gym these few days. Now, I have EXTREMELY STRONG reason for hitting the gym *putting aside the fact I'm growing horizontally everyday! urghhh* The next MASUM will be around August, and I want to make myself achievement to participate this year and make my mark on competing for the straight 4 years in my university life. Go! Go! Go! 

I also got call from colleagues in dancing group. It seems that they have performance tomorrow and they want to practice tonight the same dance that we dance during the FESCO 2013 at UTP last Saturday. Too bad that I returned their call quite late so they already choreographed new dance for tomorrow. Well, they are experienced so this is just a small matter. All the best tomorrow guys! They also informed that we might have performance next week, for what event I don't know. Haha. They say they will update it later. 

Thinking back on our dance last Saturday, I'm a bit upset for my low performance because lack of training. Its like the worst feeling ever, but I do gave my best that night. One of my wishlist achieved, to dance in competition outside university. I know I'm not really good in dancing but I want exposure. I want to join this group since first year and now its already my final year and I managed to join them! Although its very last minute, it just feel so different when dancing with those experienced dancer. I'm having hard time to learn the step but I love it. Thank you for the opportunity given, it was really a wonderful moment. :)

What else? Hurm. This post quite long huh? Ok, time to end it. I will continue to write on the next entry. Entry that too long is kind of boring right? Ciao for now. Another entry will up soon. <3 p="">